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Adoption

I don't need to remake the wheel. There are tremendous resources about adoption already online. This section will feature a step-by-step checklist for the single parent pursuing adoption, as well as more detailed resources that are highly recommended by the Choice Mom community.

Posted September 13, 2010 at 11:40 AM

What Choice Moms are listening to

filed under: podcast, feature, adoption, anonymous donor, becoming, being, commentary, daddy question, dating, emotions, event insights, expert insight, fertility, genetics, growing up without a father, healthy living, home insemination, known donor, legal, miscarriage, money matters, newborn, numbers, parenting, profile, resources, sperm, , stress relief, support network, thinking, trying, waiting, doula, ChoiceChat

Lately I have been hearing from women who would love for me to return to creating new podcasts. I took 2011 off from the work, but hope to return this year with new shows -- and perhaps a webinar series! I currently have 46 shows available, with more than 39,000 downloads. Here's what's available.

Posted December 26, 2011 at 8:00 AM

What I learned from my failed adoption

filed under: adoption, trying, waiting, profile, tips

After waiting over a year for my adoption to finalize, I’ve accepted that I will never become a mother
through my current adoption program. I’ve learned a lot hard lessons along the way. The only
redeeming feature of my journey? The chance to tell others how to avoid a similar fate. If you are
considering adoption, here is what I've learned:

Posted October 21, 2011 at 12:35 PM

Q: More IUIs? IVF? embryo donation? adoption?

filed under: trying, fertility, thinking, miscarriage, support network, donor conception, emotions, adoption, embryo, QandA

For many of us, simply having sex with someone we love to produce a child is a great idea. But life being what it is today, women like us, busy with goals and options, have many more choices than we used to. We can delay child-bearing a few more years, generally into our 30s, sometimes into our early 40s. But when things don't go as easily as we would like, and we see the many options to motherhood available to us, how do we choose?

Read More... | 1 comment

Posted October 21, 2011 at 9:00 AM

News from Reproductive Medicine conference

filed under: fertility, event insights, trying, commentary, embryo, donor egg, donor offspring, sperm donor, lesbian, adoption, miscarriage

I just returned from Orlando, where hundreds of specialists in reproductive medicine gathered for their annual convention -- largely focused on helping women get pregnant with up-to-date research and technology. Here is some of what I learned, and people I talked to.

Read More... | 2 comments

Posted July 27, 2011 at 9:15 AM

Sarah: Opening My Heart to a New Path

filed under: profile, Seattle, lesbian, trying, foster care, adoption

I'm very much looking forward to meeting Sarah at next week's Choice Mom event in Seattle. She's updated me on her journey a few times. And it's a great example of how life can unfold in unpredictable ways. Here is her story.

Read More... | 2 comments

Posted July 8, 2011 at 8:05 AM

Should I quit trying?

filed under: trying, profile, donor conception, adoption, fertility, QandA, Minnesota

A woman recently wrote about how exhausted she is about the Trying stage. Several IUIs, an IVF, lots of money spent. She was tired, out of money, and wondered if she should give up what has been an obsession to become a mother.

Read More... | 4 comments

Posted May 7, 2011 at 8:45 AM

Contemplating Motherhood

filed under: commentary, being, becoming, thinking, trying, waiting, adoption, insemination, support network, known donor, donor egg, emotions, parenting, profile, stress, stress relief, work, house, organization, fertility

This Mother's Day weekend I'm contemplating the good, the bad, and the ugly of Choice Motherhood.

Posted April 11, 2011 at 8:20 AM

Single Mom Meeting New Daughter in China Today

filed under: waiting, adoption, profile, international adoption, ChoiceChat, being, thinking, trying, becoming, 2ww, emotions, having two

As we continue our look this month into alternatives to IUIs for women, I wanted to share this story of a Choice Mom I know who is meeting her third daughter today in China.

Posted April 7, 2011 at 6:45 AM

Checklist for Single Parent Adoption

filed under: adoption, checklist, resources, international adoption, foster care, policy

Choice Mom Valerie offered up these questions to ask any prospective adoption agency before considering them for your single-parent adoption...

Posted April 5, 2011 at 6:35 PM

Special Choice Mom resource compilation

filed under: resources, fertility, adoption, donor conception, donor offspring, tips, expert insight, sperm bank, thinking, trying, waiting, being, checklist, feature, daddy question, growing up without a father

As we develop more (largely FREE!) e-books and other special guides for the Choice Mom community, I thought this would be a good place to list everything so far available. This list will grow, so keep checking back.

Posted April 4, 2011 at 10:45 AM

Are IUI and IVF not viable for you? Other options...

filed under: trying, waiting, adoption, donor egg, eggs, embryo, emotions, expert insight, feature, IVF, podcast, surrogacy, stress

Back in August 2010, two wonderful colleagues talked with each other in a radio show about moving beyond the "simple" conception options to surrogacy, adoption, embryo donation, egg donation and more. Here are highlights, and a direct link to the show.

Posted March 14, 2011 at 2:35 PM

China has new openings for single-parent adoption!

filed under: trying, adoption, international adoption, transracial, thinking, being

Just as a Choice Mom I know is heading to China to meet her new five-year-old daughter -- after a LONG process that started before China closed its doors to single-parent adoptions, this good news just in....

Read More... | 2 comments

Posted February 18, 2011 at 7:20 PM

An Adoptive Mom: 10 Difficult Questions

filed under: adoption, Minnesota, being, multiples, telling and talking

This post comes from Vera, co-editor with me of "Choice Mom Guide to Adoption," as she examines the probing questions she and her now-13-year-old twin daughters, adopted from Russia, have been asked over the years.

Read More... | 1 comment

Posted January 21, 2011 at 8:40 AM

Choice Chat: The ups and downs of adoption

filed under: thinking, adoption, Texas, trying, emotions, ChoiceChat, profile, feature, foster care, international adoption, open adoption, stress, transracial, waiting

Writes Valerie: "I've been at a bus stop for a month now.

Read More... | 2 comments

Posted January 6, 2011 at 7:10 PM

UPDATED: Creating a Family website

filed under: trying, adoption, resources, emotions, donor egg, surrogacy, fertility, thinking

One of my favorite websites is CreatingaFamily.com, run by Dawn Davenport. Like me, she's developed a comprehensive resource for her community as a labor of love. Hers is specifically designed for anyone building families through adoption, egg and sperm donation, surrogacy. Here are highlights:

Posted January 4, 2011 at 6:10 AM

Adoption Nation: a new blog worth subscribing to

filed under: adoption, international adoption, resources, foster care, expert insight

I learned that Adam Pertman has started writing an important blog that will address why all of us concerned about kids and family-building should pay attention to adoption issues. Here's what he says about the reason for his new blog:

Posted December 28, 2010 at 12:20 PM

Choice Tips of 2010

filed under: resources, tips, thinking, trying, waiting, becoming, being, adoption, fertility, support network, QandA, regional guides, commentary, donor conception, emotions, event insights, expert insight, feature, home insemination, known donor, legal, money matters, newborn, parenting, organization, podcast, stress, telling and talking

Here it is! For a limited time, the special new baby for our Choice Mom community. Our Choice of ChoiceMoms.org tips from 2010, featuring everything from Organization to Building a Support Network, Q&A to Commentary.

Posted November 30, 2010 at 2:55 PM

The Embryo Donation frontier

filed under: trying, embryo, hot topic, resources, telling and talking, open adoption, open-identity donor

As I begin exploring the area of embryo adoption for the Choice Mom community, I am finding partners in the area who can talk us through the wide open frontier it seems to be right now. Here are my notes from one recent conversation.

Posted November 29, 2010 at 9:55 AM

Laura: three major life events in four days

filed under: adoption, profile, Minnesota, stress relief, being, international adoption

We worry about being stressed before we become single moms. Then when stress hits big-time, there's nothing to worry about anymore. We're just busy dealing. Here's Laura's story about coping with three major events in less than a week.

Posted November 17, 2010 at 3:10 PM

Lorie: Adopting as a single Christian woman

filed under: adoption, international adoption, thinking, trying, profile

To be honest, I never wanted to be a single parent. After watching my mom try to work and raise a family, and being part of a family that often seemed to suffer because of work, I never wanted to raise kids by myself.

Posted November 17, 2010 at 9:20 AM

Valerie: Surviving my home study

filed under: adoption, profile, inspiration, house, humor, parenting

I spent part of the morning worrying about my bathmat. Actually my lack of a bathmat. I’d spilled something on it some weeks ago and couldn’t get it clean so I’d thrown it away. I’d been using a towel as a mat ever since. What would the social worker doing my home study think of that?

Posted November 16, 2010 at 3:20 PM

Lorie: Adopting from Russia (Part 2)

filed under: profile, adoption, international adoption, thinking, becoming, waiting, trying

I submitted my application to adopt a child from Russia on or about December 29, 2004. I spent much of the next year engaged in the paper chase, trying to get documents signed, notarized, and submitted before the Russian government could changes the rules.

Posted November 15, 2010 at 10:50 AM

Gina: The adoption-after-insemination route

filed under: adoption, profile, international adoption, trying, IVF

It took me over a year to decide to become a single mom. Once the year was over, the biggest concern for me was the financial aspect. I considered the cost of becoming a mother, being a mother, having a sick child.

Posted November 11, 2010 at 2:35 PM

PODCAST: two full shows on adoption

filed under: podcast, adoption, open adoption, ChoiceChat

There are two complete "Choosing Single Motherhood" radio shows that opened up the adoption conversation, now available on our Choice Chat podcast.

Posted November 11, 2010 at 11:55 AM

UPDATED: Our friends in the adoption industry

filed under: adoption, lesbian, resources, international adoption, open adoption

It is hard for singles to find proactive friends in the adoption world. This list will help you find the right ones. We don't recommend anyone as Choice Mom-friendly unless they are also open to the LGBT community.

Read More... | 1 comment

Posted November 7, 2010 at 4:25 PM

Facts about foster care adoption

filed under: adoption, foster care, numbers, thinking, trying, being, numbers, resources

The Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption is a great resource for information about foster care adoption. Here are some of the numbers they offered in National Adoption Month (November 2010) about the kids waiting in foster care for adoptive homes.

Foster care adoption

These clips from the Dave Thomas Foundation for Adoption feature some of the kids awaiting adoptive homes.

Adoption myths

I'm just a kid

Posted November 1, 2010 at 4:15 PM

Do you know enough about adoption?

filed under: adoption, foster care, trying, thinking, being, resources

There are a lot of things to misunderstand about adoption. Test your knowledge here.

Posted November 1, 2010 at 7:15 AM

Dannie: Me and my foster daughter

filed under: adoption, foster care, profile

It's National Adoption Month. To celebrate I'm sharing adoption stories from Choice Moms, starting with Dannie who adopted from the foster care system.

Read More... | 3 comments

Posted October 18, 2010 at 10:50 AM

Are you in one of our Top 20 markets?

filed under: resources, Atlanta, Texas, waiting, becoming, being, Canada, Chicago, doula, healthy living, house, adoption, legal, Minnesota, newborn, organization, parenting, products, regional guides, SanFrancisco, Seattle, , stress relief, Toronto, WashingtonDC, UnitedKingdom

There are 20 major markets where Choice Moms live. There are Choice Moms everywhere, of course, but I'm focusing on 20 communities where this website gets the most traffic from single women. I'm building resource guides for the cities listed below, with your help.

Read More... | 3 comments

Posted October 6, 2010 at 10:05 AM

Our Top 20 Choice Mom-friendly therapists

filed under: thinking, emotions, expert insight, resources, support network, trying, fertility, adoption, healthy living, SanFrancisco, nyc, waiting, becoming, being, stress, regional guides, Minnesota, Philadelphia, LosAngeles

When you are feeling isolated, angry, depressed or confused about the Choice Mom path, the discussion boards have become a good place to vent and share. But sometimes we need someone who not only understands the Thinking to Being stages, but is specifically trained to talk with us about our emotions.

Read More... | 1 comment

Posted October 6, 2010 at 9:20 AM

Coping with the adoption wait

filed under: waiting, adoption

We hear so much about the agonizing two week-wait process for women trying to conceive. But what about the agonizing wait to hear whether you've successfully passed all the steps involved in an adoption?

Read More... | 1 comment

Posted September 24, 2010 at 2:50 PM

Apply for an adoption grant today (especially LGBT!)

filed under: adoption, news, money matters, lesbian

I'm hearing from many Choice Moms these days who are stressed because they can't afford fertility treatments, and don't think they can afford adoption. But adoption IS affordable, especially thanks to this grant -- with a deadline of October 15!

Read More... | 1 comment

Posted September 23, 2010 at 9:50 AM

Gay Adoption Options

filed under: adoption, news, politics, policy, trying, lesbian

The American Fertility Association has a good overview of states in the U.S. where gays and lesbians are welcome.

Posted September 17, 2010 at 12:50 PM

Therapists who understand the Choice Mom journey

filed under: thinking, trying, resources, emotions, stress, support network, nyc, fertility, adoption, regional guides

These mental health therapists have an interest in working with single women about grief, fertility, adoption, and other aspects of the Choice Mom journey. They have been recommended by Choice Moms.

Posted September 15, 2010 at 9:30 AM

Are you tired of the fertility rollercoaster?

filed under: NYC, fertility, trying, adoption, emotions, stress, healthy living, insemination, 2ww, expert insight, genetics, donor offspring, drugs, resources, miscarriage, telling and talking, thinking, transracial, waiting, money matters, eggs, foster care

Are you struggling (alone) with the weight of deciding whether to persevere with costly fertility treatments? There are mental health counselors who specialize in the fertility industry who are here to help you. This is great, detailed advice from one of them.

Posted September 15, 2010 at 8:10 AM

Choice Mom Guide to Adoption

filed under: adoption, book, international adoption, open adoption, transracial, parenting, thinking, trying, birth family, expert insight, resources, profile

In National Adoption Month I want to share some of the stories of single women who have become mothers because of adoption.

Posted September 14, 2010 at 11:00 AM

Telling and Talking: Adoption

filed under: adoption, telling and talking, tips, expert insight, international adoption, resources, parenting

Adoptive Families continues to be one of the best sources available for women on the adoption path. Here are some great articles they've just announced about helping to educate your child's classmates and teachers about adoption.

Posted September 10, 2010 at 4:05 PM

Adoption workshops: New Jersey

filed under: NYC, trying, adoption, fertility, support network

One great New York City-area resource for is the Infertility and Adoption Counseling Center, run by Joni Mantell. Here are its workshops planned for Fall 2010.

Posted September 8, 2010 at 7:45 AM

Thinking fears in South Africa

filed under: thinking, profile, emotions, international adoption, telling and talking, support network

I've been hearing more lately from women (and men) who don't have the easier community acceptance that many of us have grown accustomed to in North America. Here is one woman who reached out from South Africa, looking for community.

Read More... | 3 comments

Posted September 1, 2010 at 8:05 AM

Finding an adoption attorney

filed under: adoption, foster care, legal

The relationship between a single woman and her adoption attorney is vital. This person can and should be your strongest ally for finding the placement that works -- and making sure the adoption is finalized in a timely way. This advice was posted to the Choice Mom discussion board by Holly, a wonderful resource for Choice Moms who use the foster care adoption route in particular.

Posted June 10, 2010 at 5:25 PM

AUDIO: Transracial adoption

filed under: Minnesota, adoption, transracial, parenting, international adoption, ChoiceChat, podcast

If you're thinking of adopting transracially, or are heading a transracial family, listen here for insight. The experts we assembled at a recent Choice Moms event included two Choice Moms who were raised in transracial families, a woman who parented a young woman from a refugee camp, a representative from Children's Home Society, and several Choice Moms who are raising a transracial family.

Transracial adoption

At a Choice Moms networking event in Minneapolis, we gathered a group of women and experts together to talk about transracial adoption challenges and insights.

Part 1: Experts

Part 2: moms talk transracial adoption

Posted June 7, 2010 at 7:00 AM

Books about donor conception

filed under: being, donor offspring, ChoiceKids, resources, telling and talking, adoption, donor conception, insemination, expert insight, book

Some time ago a librarian wrote to me asking that I send my various books for Choice Moms and donor-conceived families to the Library of Congress for cataloging. This stemmed out of her discovery that there are very few books about donor conception available. She compiled this list, however, of everything she had found to that point.

Read More... | 1 comment

Posted May 25, 2010 at 6:10 PM

My bumpy road to motherhood

filed under: profile, thinking, trying, adoption

submitted by WarnerMom
One woman's search for her child, weaving through many non-traditional options.

Read More... | 1 comment

Posted May 18, 2010 at 1:40 PM

Bumps after adoption

filed under: adoption, being, emotions, expert insight

Dawn Davenport at Creating a Family had a great radio show about the bumps that can occur after adoption.

Posted April 29, 2010 at 12:15 PM

Open letter to Sandra Bullock

filed under: Texas, commentary, adoption, profile, hot topic, transracial

I admit that I'm a fan of Sandra Bullock. So when I learned that she was becoming a Choice Mom through adoption, after her divorce finalizes, and I was asked to comment by Fertility Authority, I was more than happy to send an open letter on behalf of our community. Here's some of what I said:

Posted April 6, 2010 at 5:55 PM

New tax credit info for adoption

filed under: adoption, policy, money matters

The new health bill signed into law March 2010 has an extra credit for adoptive families.

Posted March 30, 2010 at 6:50 PM

Coming to grips with birth and foster families

filed under: adoption, foster care, international adoption, birth family, open adoption

This is an excellent response by my colleague Dawn Davenport to someone who was concerned about the level of affection her adopted child's foster family was feeling toward him.

Posted March 25, 2010 at 1:15 PM

A Colombian adoptee shares her experience

filed under: international adoption, transracial

Thanks to the CreatingaFamily.org website for alerting me to this great Newsweek article about international adoption, from the grown child's perspective.

Posted March 4, 2010 at 3:50 PM

Our 3 biggest regrets

filed under: podcast, thinking, trying, emotions, being, ChoiceChat, ChoiceKids, doctor, commentary, daddy question, donor offspring, open-identity donor, open adoption, telling and talking

There are three things Choice Moms report in hindsight are their biggest regrets. What do you think they are?

3 Regrets in hindsight

What do women wish they had known before they embarked on the Choice Mom journey?

Regret #1: waiting (6.5 minutes)

Regret #2: doctor (11 minutes)

Regret #3: origin story (10 minutes)

Read More... | 3 comments

Posted February 18, 2010 at 9:10 AM

Blogs about the adoption process

filed under: resources, adoption, international adoption, policy

This is the start of a growing list to come about the adoption process:

Posted February 11, 2010 at 2:55 PM

Adoption options

filed under: podcast, adoption, open adoption, international adoption, ChoiceChat, thinking, trying

There are some creative and practical methods to adoption, even for today's single. Listen to this insight from single women who have adopted.

Adoption options

Listen to stories and insight about the adoption journey

Lee Varon tip: logistics

Shelly: open adoption

18 minute podcast (2008)

Varon resources

Posted February 2, 2010 at 1:50 PM

Identity in transracial families

filed under: adoption, transracial, research, international adoption, being, expert insight

A report by Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute, titled "BEYOND CULTURE CAMP: PROMOTING HEALTHY IDENTITY FORMATION IN ADOPTION," was released in November 2009. It is the most extensive examination of adult adoptive identity to date, based on reports from adults who were adopted as children.

Posted February 2, 2010 at 1:45 PM

Cost of adoption

filed under: money matters, adoption

Dawn Davenport at Creating a Family is the source I trust for up-to-date adoption information. Here is some of what she's compiled about the various costs of adoption.

Posted February 2, 2010 at 12:00 AM

Single black women adopting

filed under: thinking, adoption, commentary

I've talked with a few professional single black women who have admitted feeling almost reluctant to take this step because of the long-standing stigma about single black parenting.

Read More... | 1 comment

Posted February 1, 2010 at 8:25 PM

Create a Transracial Parenting Plan

filed under: adoption, transracial, tips

If you are considering building a transracial family, ask yourself these questions (as prepared by Children's Home Society and Family Services):

Posted January 30, 2010 at 7:00 AM

Can a white woman raise a non-white child?

filed under: adoption, transracial, hot topic, feature

A woman on the discussion board asked whether she would be capable of raising an African-American child, as a white woman. Here is one of the many great responses she got from Julia, whose child was adopted from Ethiopia, responded differently:

Read More... | 2 comments

Posted January 27, 2010 at 8:50 PM

Adoptive moms can breastfeed

filed under: breastfeeding, adoption

submitted by Choice Mom Kari
When I first learned that adoptive moms can breastfeed, as I was waiting to adopt, I presumed that these must be women who previously had biological children. Instead I found out that you can produce milk even if you have never been pregnant (men can actually produce milk too!). Breastfeeding has so many wonderful benefits, but the bonding and nutrition were the two that made me decide that I wanted to try it.