Welcome to those interested in sperm donor conception

Lately I have been hearing from women who would love for me to return to creating new podcasts. I took 2011 off from the work, but hope to return this year with new shows -- and perhaps a webinar series! I currently have 46 shows available, with more than 39,000 downloads. Here's what's available.

How do we celebrate Father's Day?

A San Francisco Choice Mom wrote to me recently, asking how to address the half-sibling topic with her son. She's been in contact with two lesbian couples on the East Coast who have sons from the same donor.

This has come up so frequently lately that I want to focus our attention again on responses to these topics: What do we tell our children, and others, about how they were conceived? About why they don't have a dad?

A woman on the Choice Mom discussion board asked what she could do to better guarantee her child's genetic health from an anonymous donor.

A Choice Mom who is always thinking of ways to boost the community emailed recently to suggest a "sperm sharing" service.

Our Choice Mom-friendly therapist Patricia Mendell let us know about a special event this weekend in NYC for families (single and married) built through donor conception. There is also a second note here about her telephone group discussion this week on talking about donor conception.

There is a national discussion starting in the Australian Parliament about how to regulate and legislate donor conception practices across federal and state lines.

Several years ago I got a call from the long-time co-founder of California Cryobank (CCB), gently and intelligently "checking me out" as an educational partner in his attempt to help his colleagues in the sperm bank industry understand why some policies needed to change. Since then...

As I've mentioned, one news source that I follow faithfully is BioNews, which publishes information about fertility and genetics out of the United Kingdom. Here are some of their latest reports of interest to the Choice Mom community.

A woman with two young children wrote to say that a half-sibling of her kids was traveling to the U.S. from another country and wanted to meet, since the children shared the same sperm donor. The mother didn't feel prepared to talk to her kids about how they were connected, yet didn't want to miss the opportunity to meet.

ONLY TEN COPIES LEFT IN PRINT! Years ago I collaborated with Wendy and Ryan Kramer, the mother-and-son co-founders of Donor Sibling Registry, on some new tools for families created by donor conception. This was one of them.

This is one in a series of Q&As I am conducting with members of the donor sperm industry. The goal is to help educate Choice Moms-in-the-making about important policies that should help inform their decision about which bank to work with, even before choosing a donor.

This is a continuation of Lori's story, who realized that someday her donor-conceived child might need to qualify for federal student loans. Since the paperwork requires income records for both parents, and since there are plenty of other occasions in her state of Alabama where having a blank or "none" on the birth certificate might not work with government employees, she wanted to be proactive. She was surprised to learn recently what she really needed it for.

submitted by Lori
Will you ever have to prove your donor child doesn’t have a father? When I gave birth to my daughter via anonymous donor IUI in 1999, I hoped that the information regarding her father would be left blank on her birth certificate.

This is one in a series of policy comparisons ChoiceMoms.org is developing about the donor sperm industry. It's important for Choice Moms to be comfortable not only with a particular donor, but with the sperm bank that recruits and tests him. No one regulates the industry and women should understand the differences between banks before they "get in bed" with any donor.

Long-time Choice Mom supporter California Cryobank announced at the New York City event in July 2010 that it was opening a New York branch office in the fall. It will be located across from Grand Central Station, at 369 Lexington. The benefit for Choice Moms is....

I've been asked by some to offer comment on the study about donor-conceived kids that was released in May 2010 by the Commission on Parenthood's Future, in conjunction with the Institute of American Values.

It is more important to start your donor search with selection of the right sperm bank, before identifying donor characteristics. Arm yourself with this checklist of questions to begin the process.

Egg and sperm donor banks must adhere to certain safety standards, related to infectious disease testing. However, the donors themselves are not required to have genetic testing. That's why it's important for you to know the standards of the bank you want to work with -- and know what questions to ask.

One advantage of sperm donor conception is that you are looking at your eggs and a donor's sperm much more scientifically than if you were conceiving with a man you fell in love with. That means you have tools at your disposal to prevent potential medical problems for your child. Your sperm bank might have evaluated your donor’s family history, but have you had yours evaluated as well?

I've long been fascinated with genetics. Partly because since my one sibling is adopted, I've always been mindful and curious about the nature vs. nurture questions. Now Wendy Kramer at Donor Sibling Registry is announcing an exciting new research project that will help explore some of these issues.

At the Choice Moms Expo in Minneapolis, local sperm bank director Amy Erickson-Hagen of Cryogenic Laboratories talked to women about how to select the right sperm donor.

A woman who currently lives in a European country that doesn't allow people to use donated egg or sperm asked the Choice Mom board for suggestions about where she might go for treatment options.

A woman asked on the discussion board: "Does anyone know how important it is that you have a doctor who is experienced in handling frozen sperm and the cryopack, and warming the little guys up? My first two attempts were the first two times my clinic has ever handled frozen sperm, in our little town of 9,000 people. My doctor has the vials in a water bath with a soup bowl and a mug from the staff kitchen at the clinic.

I have talked to many experts -- including donor-conceived adults -- about the pros, cons, strengths and weaknesses of anonymous and open-identity donor conception as the method to building a family. Listen in:

We're building an audio library featuring the best of our Choosing Single Motherhood radio show and Choice Chat podcasts. You can order the first of this collection, "Choice Moms Answer the Tough Questions: Do I Have a Dad?" (formerly a CD product, available here for immediate $7 download).

What do you do if your doctor tests the thawed sperm and discovers that the count seems low? Can you get a refund? One woman on the Choice Mom board reported that she requested a refund, only to find that she was given a 40% refund for a low-count vial, instead of 100%, because the vial was only 40% low. Which seemed like an odd policy. So we queried other banks for their policies. Here's what some of them reported:

Once upon a time, doctors advised infertile couples to keep the fact of donor conception a secret from everyone, including the child. Led partly by the lessons of adoption, and especially with more importance today placed on knowing ones genetic markers and family medical histories, being able to make limited contact with the donor someday has become encouraged.

Have you wondered what offspring conceived from donor sperm think about as they get older?

Whether a woman is using ICI, IUI, or doing home insemination with frozen sperm, she must order either unwashed or washed sperm from a bank.

A fatal heart condition was passed on to at least nine of a donor's 24 children. While screening for all genetic issues is not possible, the question is: if this came to light for your donor, how would you (and the donor) learn about it? Read new comments on this post, and add your own for our report card.

If you are purchasing frozen sperm, how can you be assured of getting the sperm count you need in post-thaw for the best chance at success? Sperm banks are not regulated, so no one but the bank itself is checking their quality control. Some women report that their doctor tests a sample of the sperm before insemination to be sure it has a good count. If the doctor's testing methods are accurate, this can help.

Many parents focus on finding a donor with specific characteristics, but don't pay as much attention to the policies of the sperm bank they plan to use. This can have a profound impact on the family and the child someday. Do not pick a bank simply because it is the one recommended by your doctor.