Welcome New Moms!!

Lately I have been hearing from women who would love for me to return to creating new podcasts. I took 2011 off from the work, but hope to return this year with new shows -- and perhaps a webinar series! I currently have 46 shows available, with more than 39,000 downloads. Here's what's available.

While I don't think Mothers have a corner on this market, this blog post from On Being points out one of the fundamental soulful ways all parents can make a mark on building our better world. And I think, slowly, we're getting there, generation by generation creating a more benevolent society.

Once upon a time we all think we know how our lives will turn out. Then, bit by bit, year by year, we discover that we don't have quite as much control over that as we think we do. Some control, yes. But sometimes the control we have about our destiny has more to do with perspective than actual wish fulfillment.

It's been difficult in this economy for single women to retain their jobs before and after motherhood. As a recent Choice Mom discussion board conversation revealed, we are a remarkably resilient community!

This profile submitted by a woman who started with IUI at age 37, and spent three years trying to conceive -- including five IVF cycles with her own eggs, and three IVF cycles with donor eggs, and a miscarriage. Her twin boys were born in March 2011.

After Holly shared her story with the Single Mother by Choice community, she received some wonderful feedback about dealing with the chaos of single parenthood.

This Mother's Day weekend I'm contemplating the good, the bad, and the ugly of Choice Motherhood.

One of the women helping me pull together the Boston Choice Mom Networking Event on June 26 is Holly. On this Mother's Day weekend, she came clean about the single parent lifestyle. We're looking for YOUR insight.

How do we celebrate Father's Day?

A San Francisco Choice Mom wrote to me recently, asking how to address the half-sibling topic with her son. She's been in contact with two lesbian couples on the East Coast who have sons from the same donor.

Any of you who have been following Choice Mom resources over the years is likely acquainted with Cathi. She found the humor in the stress of trying to self-inseminate, in learning about her own fertility, in being pregnant, in being the mom of a newborn, and now in being simply, joyfully, Mom. Here is her story in a nutshell.

Our recent event in Philadelphia owed a lot to Diane, who convinced me of the need to host a Choice Mom networking event there this year. Then she set about turning the wheels to help make it happen. She'll continue turning the wheels for the local women.

Two women from our 2010 Austin event have emerged to keep the conversations happening and the resources shared in that part of the U.S. Here's the story of one of them.

This has come up so frequently lately that I want to focus our attention again on responses to these topics: What do we tell our children, and others, about how they were conceived? About why they don't have a dad?

Curious about how many of us are in the Thinking, Trying or Mom stages? Here are the results of a recently closed Choice Mom survey.

As we continue our look this month into alternatives to IUIs for women, I wanted to share this story of a Choice Mom I know who is meeting her third daughter today in China.

Here it is...the end of the month when we focused on Conscious Conversations, and it took me weeks to get to THIS conversation with you. Isn't that the trickiness of our lives? How to make time for what matters, when the minutia of everyday gets in our way.

I'd like to refresh this "blog of blogs" and encourage anyone who is writing about her Choice Mom journey to include a link to it in the Comments field below.

From new Choice Mom-friendly estate planner Chris Tymchuck, of Unique Family Law: When we saw a man on the side of the road asking for money, my 3-year-old daughter asked, "what is he doing with that sign?" I braced myself for a difficult conversation.

A friend called out of the blue to ask to catch up after months of absence. We talked about how hard it is for him to find interesting women to talk to about non-superficial things, and how he wondered if he’d ever find a partner.

We kick off our March focus on "conscious conversations" with this wonderful response by CNN's Jessica Ravitz to a Huffington Post commentary speculating why women like us are not married.

One of the hardest things I struggle with is finding balance.

A woman on the discussion board wondered what to pack for delivery at the hospital. Here's what Lily recommended:

As we were driving through yet another snowstorm in Minneapolis the other day, so I could get my 11-year-old daughter to a birthday party, she suggested I get a husband.

Here's the article about Choice Motherhood in the newly published Los Angeles-based Jewish Journal. My thanks to the Choice Moms here who volunteered to share their stories.

I'm very happy to report that 30 Welcome Kits went out to new Choice Moms last week. This is a special new perk to the Choice Mom community, which includes...

I wrote a few months ago, when I was starting my Thinking journey. I think I wrote because, as a Thinker, I needed to make contact with someone.

My youngest turned 7 the other day. That means we're about to do his flower, representing the important people in his life right now. It's a favorite new tradition we created when the "family tree" assignments started five years ago, when my daughter was his age.

It's great to find this community, and I'm so excited to get to know you all! My story goes like this. I was married to a wonderful man, John....

A newborn mom thinking ahead to her return to the work world worried about how to help her daughter transition into naps that don't involve breastfeeding her to sleep.

This list was offered by Carrie Crompton at Cultural Care Au Pair, who is offering a great $500 discount to the Choice Mom community.

Here it is! For a limited time, the special new baby for our Choice Mom community. Our Choice of ChoiceMoms.org tips from 2010, featuring everything from Organization to Building a Support Network, Q&A to Commentary.

My favorite part of this website and the Choice Mom networking events are the opportunities to learn the stories of others in our community. Here is a compilation of some of the best stories of 2010.

This arrived as a comment to another post, and I thought it was a great conversation starter as a blog. "As a Thinker I tend to over-think everything. I believe learning to ask for help is a good philosophy for life. But what if all your plans fail and you have to do it ALL alone?

Consider supporting the work that goes into this website by using any of these affiliated marketing partners (Legos, Orbitz, Nick Jr., storybook publisher, etc.), who are offering the Choice Mom community these special deals:

I went to a talk by a well-respected neighbor of mine, Dan Buettner, whose latest book, Thrive: Finding Happiness the Blue Zones Way, is about tips he gleaned from worldwide research, database correlations, and conversations with individuals in the happiest cities in the world.

It is always surprising to me how often I seem to be in a state of revising my plans. I meant to grow up, meet my prince, get married and have kids. I really did. It just didn't work out that way.

It's a very lonely road to take care of yourself and a premature child (or two). Let's collect our wisdom here about places to turn, stories to share, insight to offer.

I submitted my application to adopt a child from Russia on or about December 29, 2004. I spent much of the next year engaged in the paper chase, trying to get documents signed, notarized, and submitted before the Russian government could changes the rules.

I've been reminded in the last week just how fragile life is. A Choice Mom friend unexpectedly lost her younger sister last week -- a mother of three -- in a tragic accident. And a neighbor couple are BOTH battling cancer, one of them terminal, with 7- and 9-year old daughters at home.

I've been hearing from more Choice Moms of twins lately, and it reminds me that we need to offer more on this website for single moms with multiples.

Thanks to partnerships with Choice Mom sponsors, starting in 2011 we will be able to send Welcome packages to new and expecting moms who are delivering or adopting.

Our first networking event of 2011 will be held near Raleigh, North Carolina, at The Umstead Hotel and Spa in Cary. Only three seats remain! Registration ends Wednesday, March 16.

There are 20 major markets where Choice Moms live. There are Choice Moms everywhere, of course, but I'm focusing on 20 communities where this website gets the most traffic from single women. I'm building resource guides for the cities listed below, with your help.

When you are feeling isolated, angry, depressed or confused about the Choice Mom path, the discussion boards have become a good place to vent and share. But sometimes we need someone who not only understands the Thinking to Being stages, but is specifically trained to talk with us about our emotions.

Pre-eclampsia leads to high blood pressure and swelling during pregnancy. I had a friend who suffered from it, and it wasn't pretty. Pregnancy nutrition is an important part of avoiding it.

Many Choice Moms make a firmer commitment to organic living after they become moms. If you want to start by using cloth diapers, here are tips from an expert.

I am frequently asked by reporters how big the Choice Mom community is. While there is no census-taking data that reveals the answer, I can use our discussion boards as a way to gauge growth -- and the types of things we are most interested in talking about.

We tend to know how to set and achieve goals. But sometimes we need a nudge, or we're feeling low, and our competence as strong-minded women prevents us from seeking help. I'm always looking for ways to help us find the insights we need.

This priceless -- and honest -- gem from Cathi about new motherhood comes from the archives of the Choice Moms blog, and I wanted to re-offer it to our new moms.

My favorite connection to see at Choice Mom networking events is when our experienced moms can reassure the pregnant and newborn moms that "everything is going to be all right." I started collecting tips on how to deal with the logistics of newborn days after three women in my local area had babies within a week.

Some time ago on the old Choice Moms blog format, Denise offered these fun and wise thoughts on what she'd learned after 10 months of Choice Motherhood. They were too priceless to disappear, so I've resurrected them here. We invite you to add your own.

A new Choice Mom admitted her exhaustion with the first months of motherhood. Women in the community chimed in with support. Here are two of the responses.

When you are preparing to deliver a child on your own, finding the right pre- and post-partum doula can be vital to a Choice Mom. Listen to this podcast about finding the right one for you. Read more about doulas on this website. And recommend yours here in the comments field.

The first few weeks (and months, and maybe years?) of motherhood are a beautiful and emotional time. You bond with Baby, and learn about each other, and stare dreamily into each others' eyes. You are also wracked with hormones, and lack of sleep, and an almost overpowering, choking terror.

After I became a mother to Sophia back in 1999, I ended up unexpectedly creating a less stressful and healthier lifestyle. Partly this was because I didn't have time to work 60-hour work weeks -- and didn't want to. But also because I wanted to instill better habits in my child so she would eventually live a healthy lifestyle.

The topic of using estate plan templates -- kits with fill-in-the-blank options about guardianship and will issues -- came up among a group of single mothers by choice recently. A Choice Mom and attorney in the group offered her insight.

By now I hope you've had a chance to explore the "support_network" keyword on ChoiceMoms.org, because I think this is the most important and valuable information any parent needs. But if you haven't seen everything we've offered here from fellow moms and experts, here's a shortlist of some of my favorite items in it.

When I lived in my one bedroom floor-through apartment in New York City with my young daughter, I did start to feel overrun in that first year by the THINGS she needed. I was frugal, but still had the diaper pail, stroller, Baby Bjorn, exersaucer, 3-in-1 travel crib (used everyday), and a growing collection of plastic chewy items. So it was no surprise when the organizing experts at the New York City Choice Mom event drew a crowd.

I've become acquainted with the very interesting work and brain of Harvard professor Steven Pinker, and have been reading his 2002 book "The Blank Slate: The Modern Denial of Human Nature." So it was with pleasure that I read (pages 398-399) some of his thoughts on the nature vs. nurture debate as it relates to how we raise our children.

After a single dad wrote in who was feeling isolated with his young child, ChoiceMom.org readers chimed in with their own insights. One of the comments was about something we've talked about here before -- your support network often won't be what you expect it will be -- and is worthy of new discussion here.

My blog about pivot points having more impact on our kids than a "lack" of something in their life prompted a comment from a single dad. His comment was long, and I thought it was good fodder for a new post on the "support network" theme of the month on ChoiceMoms.org, so I'm using it here.

One of the things I loved about the new Choice Mom memoir by Stacey MacGlashan, "Just you and me, kid," was the insight she offered to other Choice Moms about the reality of the newborn days. Her kind reminder to women like us that attempting to be superwoman is just plain dumb. And her warning to pre-moms that you need a certain kind of stamina -- that most of us do have -- in order to succeed.

"Even the most independent or progressive among us didn't play house without at least going through the motions of assigning someone the dad role...Our childhood fairy tale fantasies involved Prince Charming and happily ever after, not donor number 5931...and a brief encounter with a syringe."

It's hard for self-sufficient women to ask for help -- or even acknowledge to ourselves that we need it. But we do. Even more than we care to admit, because we tend to be so hard on ourselves. This month I'm thinking about the kinds of support Choice Moms need, and how we can get and give it as a community.

At the Choice Moms networking event in D.C., Birthing Hands doula Claudia Booker offered many great tips for women about how to build a support network. She reiterated the importance of preparing for this well before the baby arrives. Some of her suggestions:

Choice Mom Deb suggested this fun idea, in the vein of Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck If..." We're now creating our own list for "You Know You Might Be a Choice Mom If..." She got us started.

It is important for a sleep-deprived mother to know where things are. Because when you and baby are struggling to keep nights and days straight, the last thing you need is to find out at midnight that you are out of baby Tylenol or wipes. And keeping the diaper bag packed with everything you need for three hours of errands is easier when you haven't just spent half hour looking for your keys.

At the San Francisco event, organizational specialist Kim Guay of A Clear Vision Organizing offered these tips for getting ready for parenthood.

I recently discovered a great book by Kara Stefan titled "Head of Household: Money Management for Single Parents." It covers budgeting, childcare, credit, healthcare, housing, insurance and more.

Someone recently posted on one of the Choice Mom blogs that a friend of hers was intending to have sex with a stranger in order to get pregnant, and not tell the man. Not surprisingly, this made the friend uncomfortable.

Uber organized Jessica, a Choice Mom in every way, will deliver her first child in a few months. While she was in the Thinking process -- preceding a long Trying phase -- she developed a worksheet that calculated how much she would need to spend trying to conceive, for prenatal care, for newborn items, and for post-delivery childcare expenses for a year. Here are the numbers she came up with.

When we are trying to conceive, or keep up with our children, we often take a closer look at how to improve our health and vitality. Here are tips from Natural Health and Fertility Center, as offered at the first-ever Choice Moms Expo in Minneapolis.

An Australian woman who is going to college in the U.S. while raising a newborn, and a firefighter with two young children, share their tips about how to survive baby boot camp as a single parent.

A childcare provider who is on the Choice Mom journey offers these tips in finding the right caregiver:

A Choice Mom made a list of the pros and cons of nanny vs. childcare center, as she prepared to go back to work. Here is her list, and the comments elicited from other Choice Moms:

A majority of families using donor conception do not report births after the fact. This has a tremendous impact on the industry. The numbers of offspring born to a sperm donor, and even to egg donors, are generally vastly under-reported. If there is a genetic abnormality that surfaces in later years, families cannot be notified.

There are a lot of amazing women writing specifically about the single mother journey. Here are a few of my favorites:

The Pea in the Podcast is one of the best I've seen for women in the waiting-to-deliver room.

When you're suffering from the stresses and strains of newborn baby boot camp, listen to these words of advice from noted pediatrician Dr. Robert Sears.

One typical question asked on the Choice Mom discussion board is, what do I need to have on hand for my newborn? The responses have been numerous over time, so there are two compilations on this website about product recommendations from the Choice Mom community. This page is actual brand suggestions of certain products and tips that were recommended by Choice Moms. Below are the responses many Choice Moms have made about what was essential, and what was not, for their newborn.

Doria is a Choice Mom, midwife and lactation consultant. She offers this Top 10 list for breastfeeding success:

It's hard to find baby books that don't have the obligatory "how I met your dad" and two-sided family tree chart to fill in. But there are options. Here are some of them.

Here's what Choice Moms have to say about breast milk pumps: