Welcome Moms!

Returning sponsor European Sperm Bank of the USA is enabling me to spend the time creating five more podcasts this year for the Choice Mom community. What do you want to hear?

A Choice Mom with a two-year-old son posted a few days ago on one of the discussion boards about the struggles she is having, and within two days there have been more than 20 responses. Here's some of what we're saying.

Women have asked to hear the stories of Choice Moms who found lasting relationships after motherhood. I know several of them. Here is one of them, from Megan.

A Choice Mom wrote that she had tried on her own for three years (3 IUI, 3 IVF). Next up was embryo donation. But while she was taking a break, she met a wonderful man, who she has now been with for 1.5 years.

Many of you who have been part of the original Choice Mom yahoo discussion group will know Erika. She lost her two boys, who were born prematurely, several years ago, and since then was opened up to the birth of her boy Juice. Now she and her son are embarking on a unique journey.

Choice Motherhood is becoming a "Plan A" idea for more women across the country. I talked with a producer who is interested in doing what we talk about at our networking events: promoting the pride and amazing strength of the women in the Choice Mom community.

Raise your hand if you raise your hand too much.

I met someone recently who is a project manager finished with two years of sustainable development work in Nigeria, preparing for a new adventure in South Sudan. As we talked alongside a bonfire that we stoked until 4 a.m., I was invigorated by the reminder that it was a spirit of adventure that enabled me to become a Choice Mom in the first place.

A guest op-ed contributor in The New York Times recently wrote to suggest that, since men are much less useful biologically than women, does "mankind really need men?"

There was a tiny girl with spray-painted purple hair leaping into the air on a bungee jump at a small town fair periodically squealing, "This is the best day ever!"

I took my son and his friend to the lakeside cabin for a 24-hour festival of swimming, boating and s’mores roasting. No Internet games or Wii. It ended up being cloudy and gray and threatening to rain much of the time, with huge gusts of wind. So, we did none of the things that we intended to do.

A woman responded to my blog about myths of single motherhood (#1: "I will need to do everything alone"), and she said that, no, that is not a myth. In her life experience, that is the truth.

On a cloudy, dampish day, I packed up the kids and drove us to a lakeside cabin for 24 hours. I left behind weeks of unopened mail piled on a table. I abandoned work that required an Internet connection, which the cabin did not provide. I ignored a backyard that needed tending. I drove away from losses I was mourning and worries I was avoiding.

For perhaps 10 years I have had a book on my shelf that sat quietly, waiting for me to pay attention. I don’t remember how it arrived, but I suspect it was left behind by a previous housemate who was a venturing spirit.

A new Choice Mom wrote me to say how surprised she was -- after all the planning and preparation she did to finally become a mother -- that she was suffering from post-partum depression.

When I turned 50 earlier this year, I picked 50 people I truly enjoy and invited them to a party. I got a tattoo, as something different. And... I became more focused on what I truly want.

It's been a very refreshing week. And coming home to this comprehensive review of my "Choosing Single Motherhood" book was a bonus.

Before our recent trip to New York City and D.C., I got in touch with a man I hadn't seen in nine years because my son wanted to meet him for the first time.

In a recent newspaper article, "Middle Class Trading 'I Do' for 'Maybe Later,'" I was quoted talking about the economics of not having a husband (or "co-parent," as I inadvertently called it). I'm interested in hearing your thoughts on the subject.

This week I heard from four media outlets on stories they are pursuing about Choice Motherhood. One was this TV show idea.

I turned 50 on Monday, after a great weekend of community connecting. New and old friends (ranging in age from 23 to 73) came to my house Saturday for a music jam and conversation that was truly heart-warming and fun.

A woman posted on the Choice Moms Over 40 discussion board about a friend on this journey, depressed because her family doesn't support her decision. She was looking for input from others who have experienced this.

As the Choice Mom of a 6-year-old boy, noted author and counselor Lori Gottlieb understands that our drive to succeed -- a trait of many Choice Moms -- can also lead to personal meltdowns when we think we are failing our beloved children. She offered this insight...

A Choice Mom I've gotten to know and love over the years joked in her Facebook status on Valentine's Day: "Is it Singles Awareness Day again already?" There are so many ways we can look at February 14th.

In September 2010, we were discussing the importance of a support network on this website -- and how flexible we sometimes need to be about who we think we can count on. I featured this post from a woman who, accidents of timing, lost most of her support... after she found out she was pregnant with twins... shortly before she lost her job. Let's revisit her story now.

Our storybook created by Choice Moms, featuring artwork by Choice Kids, is called "I Felt You Flutter in My Heart."

Once upon a time we all think we know how our lives will turn out. Then, bit by bit, year by year, we discover that we don't have quite as much control over that as we think we do. Some control, yes. But sometimes the control we have about our destiny has more to do with perspective than actual wish fulfillment.

It's been difficult in this economy for single women to retain their jobs before and after motherhood. As a recent Choice Mom discussion board conversation revealed, we are a remarkably resilient community!

I heard recently from a graduate student who wants to learn more about mood and social support among lesbian mothers. She's offered this information about her research study.

I know what it's like to get through security at the airport with young kids. Sometimes vacations -- wonderful as they are to celebrate with our children -- could be improved if YOU could have a day to yourself. Or at least time to read one good book in peace. Here's a solution....

Primrose Schools, a family of 200 accredited private preschools around the U.S., offered these tips for keeping your kids' minds working this summer.

I'm about to send my son off for a week to a camp near the Boundary Waters Canoe Area with two families (married couples, each with one child who is a good friend of his).

Many of our children ask questions about their fathers, and right now, with Father’s Day approaching, we are all thinking and talking more about it. When we made the decision to become an SMC, this subject was, for many of us, the one which we were most concerned about, and rightly so. Deciding to raise a child without a father has a real impact on our children and on us.

I am a Choice Mom of twin girls who are now 6. I did artificial insemination in the U.S. with sperm that could not cross the border into Canada. This is my story of making contact with half siblings.

After Holly shared her story with the Choice Mom community, she received some wonderful feedback about dealing with the chaos of single parenthood.

This Mother's Day weekend I'm contemplating the good, the bad, and the ugly of Choice Motherhood.

One of the women helping me pull together the Boston Choice Mom Networking Event on June 26 is Holly. On this Mother's Day weekend, she came clean about the single parent lifestyle. We're looking for YOUR insight.

Jo-Anne Cutler is a Family Communication Specialist and Awareness coach, who helps people who are "stuck" make the shifts they need to experience more peace, fun and happiness in their lives. That extends to helping parents build the best stress-free environment to enable their kids to thrive.

How do we celebrate Father's Day?

A San Francisco Choice Mom wrote to me recently, asking how to address the half-sibling topic with her son. She's been in contact with two lesbian couples on the East Coast who have sons from the same donor.

This has come up so frequently lately that I want to focus our attention again on responses to these topics: What do we tell our children, and others, about how they were conceived? About why they don't have a dad?

When it was time to start finding coordinators to help Choice Moms do the work we do with the community, the first person I thought of was Kali, who has quietly been offering suggestions and moderation help for several years. Now you, too, can meet her as she steps out of the shadows to help manage our vast East Coast resources.

As we develop more (largely FREE!) e-books and other special guides for the Choice Mom community, I thought this would be a good place to list everything so far available. This list will grow, so keep checking back.

This week I learned in conscious conversation with a fellow church member/realtor that maybe I should NOT sell my house after all. I've had this mindset that to simplify my life I need a smaller house. Ultimately, I discovered while sitting down frankly with my 2010 spending habits, that it's NOT the expense that is draining.

From new Choice Mom-friendly estate planner Chris Tymchuck, of Unique Family Law: When we saw a man on the side of the road asking for money, my 3-year-old daughter asked, "what is he doing with that sign?" I braced myself for a difficult conversation.

A friend called out of the blue to ask to catch up after months of absence. We talked about how hard it is for him to find interesting women to talk to about non-superficial things, and how he wondered if he’d ever find a partner.

We kick off our March focus on "conscious conversations" with this wonderful response by CNN's Jessica Ravitz to a Huffington Post commentary speculating why women like us are not married.

This post comes from Vera, co-editor with me of "Choice Mom Guide to Adoption," as she examines the probing questions she and her now-13-year-old twin daughters, adopted from Russia, have been asked over the years.

Admittedly I've become pretty oblivious to Valentine's Day. But that doesn't mean I don't have dreams...

A young law student, proactively planning ahead about eight years, asked women on the discussion board for their views on her plan. Here's what she wondered...

A newborn mom thinking ahead to her return to the work world worried about how to help her daughter transition into naps that don't involve breastfeeding her to sleep.

Kim, 45, launched an interesting question on one of the Choice Mom discussion boards last week. She was curious what women thought about whether there was an age when it was "too old" to be a parent. Not in terms of conceiving, but just general parenting.

This list was offered by Carrie Crompton at Cultural Care Au Pair, who is offering a great $500 discount to the Choice Mom community.

Before you know it, we realize our children are old enough to sometimes be home alone. For single parents, this can be a blessing -- not relying on babysitters every time we have to go to a neighborhood dinner party -- but the question is asked, how old should our children be before we entrust them?

We worry about being stressed before we become single moms. Then when stress hits big-time, there's nothing to worry about anymore. We're just busy dealing. Here's Laura's story about coping with three major events in less than a week.

It is always surprising to me how often I seem to be in a state of revising my plans. I meant to grow up, meet my prince, get married and have kids. I really did. It just didn't work out that way.

If you have used eggs and sperm to create embryos outside of your body, as a growing number of families have done because of fertility challenges, the question naturally arises about what to do with the frozen embryos remaining in storage.

At Thanksgiving time, it's easy to remind ourselves and our kids to be thankful and appreciative. But what about all the other days of the year? I recently read several good tips from one book that might help.

It's a very lonely road to take care of yourself and a premature child (or two). Let's collect our wisdom here about places to turn, stories to share, insight to offer.

A 5-year-old Choice Kid started referring to a woman's ex-boyfriend as "daddy" even though he had proven to be not good father material and the mother had ended the relationship six months earlier. He hadn't been in their life since. The girl was saying that she "missed her daddy," even though she'd never referred to him that way before.

I've been reminded in the last week just how fragile life is. A Choice Mom friend unexpectedly lost her younger sister last week -- a mother of three -- in a tragic accident. And a neighbor couple are BOTH battling cancer, one of them terminal, with 7- and 9-year old daughters at home.

As a single working mom, I find myself falling into a bad habit of trying to cram as much 'fun' into the weekend days as humanely possible, which can end up creating more stress rather than relieving it. There are a few things I've done recently to try to combat this.

Tis the season. There is fun in Halloween tricks and treats with our kids. But for many, also the conflicts that come from the community time of Thanksgiving, Chanukkah, Christmas, New Year's. Feelings of isolation as summer frolicking turns into the more contemplative Fall and reclusive Winter seasons.

This past Saturday was an interesting intersection date for me, which I'd like to talk about with the Choice Mom community.

Thanks to Ellen for talking to this reporter, and providing me with the link to Babble's story about three single moms by choice.

A frequent topic of discussion on the Choice Mom boards is whether to have two children, and how to manage if you do. As one woman asked: "I'd love to hear the strategies you've used in order to provide each of your kids with enough time and attention."

I didn't have life insurance until a few years ago. If you've also put off this step, watch this video

We tend to know how to set and achieve goals. But sometimes we need a nudge, or we're feeling low, and our competence as strong-minded women prevents us from seeking help. I'm always looking for ways to help us find the insights we need.

I've had two experiences recently where I've definitely felt the difficulties of being a single mom.

When Sandy Chalkoun's son was 11 months old, her husband decided to leave the marriage. Since then, this Montreal-based lawyer has written a book about how to be a happy single parent. There are useful insights for Choice Moms.

Some time ago on the old Choice Moms blog format, Denise offered these fun and wise thoughts on what she'd learned after 10 months of Choice Motherhood. They were too priceless to disappear, so I've resurrected them here. We invite you to add your own.

This service is designed to recommend estate planners who have a special connection with the Choice Mom community, either through commendation by a Choice Mom client, or sponsorship of Choice Mom workshops or other educational resources (signified here with direct website links).

The first few weeks (and months, and maybe years?) of motherhood are a beautiful and emotional time. You bond with Baby, and learn about each other, and stare dreamily into each others' eyes. You are also wracked with hormones, and lack of sleep, and an almost overpowering, choking terror.

The topic of using estate plan templates -- kits with fill-in-the-blank options about guardianship and will issues -- came up among a group of single mothers by choice recently. A Choice Mom and attorney in the group offered her insight.

The "support" keyword on ChoiceMoms.org is, I think, the most important and valuable information any parent needs. Now we've compiled the website's best information from Choice Moms and experts in this easily downloadable 17-page PDF, "Choice Mom E-guide to Relieving Stress and Building Support."

After a single dad wrote in who was feeling isolated with his young child, ChoiceMom.org readers chimed in with their own insights. One of the comments was about something we've talked about here before -- your support network often won't be what you expect it will be -- and is worthy of new discussion here.

My blog about pivot points having more impact on our kids than a "lack" of something in their life prompted a comment from a single dad. His comment was long, and I thought it was good fodder for a new post on the "support network" theme of the month on ChoiceMoms.org, so I'm using it here.

This is a continuation of Lori's story, who realized that someday her donor-conceived child might need to qualify for federal student loans. Since the paperwork requires income records for both parents, and since there are plenty of other occasions in her state of Alabama where having a blank or "none" on the birth certificate might not work with government employees, she wanted to be proactive. She was surprised to learn recently what she really needed it for.

submitted by Lori
Will you ever have to prove your donor child doesn’t have a father? When I gave birth to my daughter via anonymous donor IUI in 1999, I hoped that the information regarding her father would be left blank on her birth certificate.

Although I've written about all the ways other people and experiences can fill in gaps in a child's life, our role of parent can -- and should -- be the strongest influence on our children's lives, if done well. To that end, I'm launching a new area of ChoiceMoms.org that helps us become the best parents we can be.

A few years ago a producer for noted conservative commentator Bill O'Reilly called to test me for a potential debate with his boss about why Choice Moms dislike men. Maybe it's because I was pretty easy-going in my responses, but I was never booked for the show. In his recent remarks about Choice Motherhood, however, I see he still has a bug up his

It's hard for self-sufficient women to ask for help -- or even acknowledge to ourselves that we need it. But we do. Even more than we care to admit, because we tend to be so hard on ourselves. This month I'm thinking about the kinds of support Choice Moms need, and how we can get and give it as a community.

submitted by Christy
My daughter is 2.5 years old. She is a little girl who doesn't need to ask a lot of questions, doesn't seem to need a lot of prep information, and simply adjusts at the time to whatever is happening around her. She doesn't yet ask why she doesn't have a dad, or who her donor is. But other kids are now starting to do so.

Choice Mom Deb suggested this fun idea, in the vein of Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck If..." We're now creating our own list for "You Know You Might Be a Choice Mom If..." She got us started.

I returned from a primitive island camping trip with another Choice Mom, two dads, and the seven kids we have who have known each other for years. And one of the 30 emails waiting for me from the long weekend was the link to a blog from Kat Wilder, who is trying to understand who Choice Moms are, and why we do what we do.

Dawn Davenport at Creating a Family had a great radio show about the bumps that can occur after adoption.

May is "Money Matters" month on the website. This month we'll take a look at what we're learning and sharing, from each other and from experts, about financial matters. Starting with this week's Choice Mom query: As parents who might expect more help from our kids, but with one paycheck, how do we handle allowances?

We love reading stories with our kids about non-traditional families. And we actively seek information about alternative family-building for ourselves. Here are recommendations.

Interestingly, the most popular conversation circle at my upcoming Choice Mom Expo in Minneapolis is "Taming tantrums: yours and child," with parenting educator Denise Konen. Even 11 years into parenting, I didn't realize how important this topic is to our motherhood community. Here's one of the suggestions Denise has.

I'm into week #2 of my attempt to live an organized life. And, I have to admit, being conscious of being organized makes you quite aware of how unorganized life is. But I think that's a GOOD step. Here's what I've learned about the stresses of single motherhood this week.

Well here it is...the public debate between a Glenn Sacks father's rights crony (Robert Franklin) and myself on PublicSquare.net. Read, laugh, seethe, comment. I actually love the opportunity to offer a rational perspective, even if my opponent has a decidedly different viewpoint. Such as Franklin's view that Choice Moms often trick men into having kids and then lie to keep them out of the child's life. Here's a synopsis, with links to the full debate.

The kids and I recently had 10 days together for spring break. We did NOT travel this time. And I learned many things about how to successfully juggle. I'm going to try to incorporate it more effectively into daily routine going forward.

Do you feel rushed? Exhausted? Like you don't have enough time with your kids? Take five minutes out of your schedule to read and contemplate this. Then share an idea of how to pause in your own life every day.

There are a lot of amazing women writing specifically about the single mother journey. Here are a few of my favorites:

We're building an audio library featuring the best of our Choosing Single Motherhood radio show and Choice Chat podcasts. You can order the first of this collection, "Choice Moms Answer the Tough Questions: Do I Have a Dad?" (formerly a CD product, available here for immediate $7 download).

Human Fertility journal published the findings of Susan Golombok's Cambridge University survey of who Choice Moms are, and are not. Notable findings: we have a high percentage of post-graduate degrees, and we don't hate men. But, of course, we knew that.

Choice Moms was a "word of the year" contender in 2009 by New Oxford's New American dictionary. I created the term only five years ago in my "Choosing Single Motherhood" book to put the emphasis on Choice, not Single, in our motherhood journey.

When a woman posted about her surprise -- and some trepidation -- about finding out she would be the mother to a boy, it led in many sideways paths to a lengthy discussion on the board (nearly 100 posts!) about, in a nutshell: