I'm into week #2 of my attempt to live an organized life. And, I have to admit, being conscious of being organized makes you quite aware of how unorganized life is. But I think that's a GOOD step. Here's what I've learned about the stresses of single motherhood this week.
Posted April 19, 2010 at 12:20 PM
Managing Stress: #2
Commentary from Mikki
First of all, I very much noticed this week that what UNSTRESSES me are actually my kids. It was my birthday on Friday, and the weather was gorgeous, so what helped me more than anything with the week's chaos was having a nice dinner out with my kids on birthday night (using a prepaid Groupon certificate I gave my daughter, so she felt like they were paying for the meal), doing community art with them for our city's upcoming Mayday parade, and going for a long bike ride with friends around the lakes on Sunday. I was also happy to be there as support for my daughter as she competed in a school district math tournament (that started at 8:30 a.m. on a Saturday!) I also had a non-kid event scheduled, attending an excellent Dr. Dog concert.
Here's what didn't go so well, which I'm learning from:
1) I am prone to overschedule. Despite last week's vow to limit myself to about four priority "to dos" per day, I attempted to double that. The result: feeling bad that I didn't -- surprise, surprise -- get it all done. So I put the DONE post-its in that column on my bathroom mirror, and am leaving the NOT DONE post-its in place to remind me what I need a second week to complete. Ideally at the end of this week I will have gotten through all of those notes, and can start fresh next week with a healthier list.
2) I am partway through David Allen's book, Making It All Work: Winning at the Game of Work and the Business of Life. Biggest lesson so far. Just as we have calendars to keep track of appointments -- and thus keep our focus on doing, rather than remembering -- we need as many lists as it takes to keep the loopiness of unfinished business out of our heads. When we write things down -- including sheets of paper with one task into an inbox, daily post-its on our bathroom mirror, weekly goal lists -- we actually spend less energy thinking about all the things we have to do. I have put this into practice and it's working.
3) What is hard for us, especially as single parents and/or entrepreneurs, is staying on task. I started this morning, for example, with a wonderful, manageable list of four tasks that would take me seven hours to complete. Then the first email I opened was about the fact that my long-time-coming debate with a Glenn Sacks father's rights crony was now up on PublicSquare.net, and I ended up spending my first hour letting people know about it, adding it to website and Facebook for other Choice Moms to comment on. So much for my original plan.
I know this happens to all of us. Our child gets sick, our roof starts leaking, the car needs repair, a friend needs you to do some emergency kid-sitting, you aren't ovulating as expected, the adoption agency needs extra paperwork, a request from your boss takes you off course.
How do YOU deal with the chaos of everyday life?
Mikki
Reader Comments
Posted April 21, 2010 at 11:10 AM
I get a lot of satisfaction out of crossing finished items off lists, so I usually make a list on my i-Phone, in Notes, of things I need to do that day and then erase them as soon as they're done until the page is blank--then trash the page. Using my phone is helpful because it's always with me, so I can add to the list whenever I remember something else I need to do or erase each item from wherever I am. I don't always stick to this system, but when I do I get a lot more done.
Posted April 19, 2010 at 2:10 PM
Being flexible in our schedules is important, but having a list to deviate from is always good, too. As a teacher I find that some tasks go faster and some slower and so what I accomplish at work varies, however I adjust the next day to compensate. As for home, I agree with something Mikki wrote earlier about hiring people to do things (in her case fixes around the house) like cleaning the house, etc. If you are a perfectionist, like I am, it may be hard to let go of things not being done YOUR way, but I think for our sake it's important to accept things done good enough than not done at all.
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Posted April 27, 2010 at 6:36 PM by Kim
I was never a very good housekeeper even before my son. Now I just feel like whenever I try to keep up with my house I feel Like I'm not spending enough time with my son. So in the end I just decided my priority right now is time with my baby and I keep up with what i need to, laundry and the kitchen,(mostly) I hire people to do my yard and fix its around the house. I figure in this economy it's a good thing to kind of spread it around and give other people work too. I'd hire someone to help clean my house if I could afford it but I have to make choices. I'll catch up sometime...