Kara gave me permission to excerpt some of her book on this website. Although her book is written especially for divorced and widowed parents, her insights are applicable to all of us. I'd like to include information from her chapter about childcare.

According to the National Association of Child Care Resource and Referral Agencies, in 2007 the average cost of full-time care for an infant ranged from $3,900 (Mississippi) to $14,591 (Massachusetts). For a four-year-old, the average cost of full-time care was $3,380 (Mississippi) to $10,787 (Massachusetts). And the average cost of afterschool care ranged from $2,500 (South Carolina) to $8,600 (Minnesota).

Kara points out that the cost of care does not equate to the quality of care. Some amazing caregivers do this work because they love children, and don't always charge high fees. (I had this experience in New York City; my $10/hour caregiver still maintains contact with my daughter, seven years later.) The best way to find someone like this is through referrals, from other mothers and other caregivers.

One of the most important factors you need as a single parent, Kara points out, is to have flexibility. There is no other parent to pick up the child if you are stuck at work. You need a childcare provider who will work with your variable schedule. Or a reliable back-up person who can be the emergency caregiver when you are stuck in a meeting, or your child is sick. Kara specifically recommends finding a new employer if yours expects too much of you work-wise.

I know from the Choice Mom events I do that many of us, myself included, have left corporate careers in order to be more flexible parents. You often trade in time stress for financial stress. For me, the trade-off has been worth it, especially now that my youngest is in kindergarten and I can start trying to refill my bank account.

As Kara reminds us, however, you won't get nearly as much work done at home with a preschooler, so have at least part-time childcare is useful. Cramming eight hours of work into four hours of home office time can be done.

But for the many of us who don't have that option, or inclination, Kara suggests looking for stay-at-home moms who would like extra income, pursuing YMCAs and Jewish Community Center childcare options, nanny-sharing with another family, retired schoolteachers, or using a college student that you might be able to offer free lodging to (I've had great success with that).

Kara points out that the child care tax deduction is a great opportunity for us to earn back perhaps thousands of dollars, based on what we pay a childcare provider, our income, and the maximum allowed, which varies year to year.

She also noted that some employers offer a childcare tuition reimbursement, but don't always promote it -- so you have to ask.