After all that thinking and deciding no, now it's almost a year later. Something just clicked. I thought, what exactly am I waiting for? I still want to be a mum!

The father issue no longer seems such a big deal. I realised it was maybe more about me going through the grieving process of not having a husband/partner to father my child, not getting that fairytale ending, that had really been my obstacle.

I went to the clinic within a week of my decision. Signed up and started the process. So now it's tests, sorting out gynae problems, and getting my body ready for fertility treatment. I will be having donor eggs and donor sperm. The main concern for the clinic has been my weight and sorting out fibroids before treatment.

The fibroids are now removed. My latest issue though is the stress and worries have led me to my comfort eating norm, and I want to and need to lose weight to give my child the best start in life. I cannot carry a child in my current state.

So - it will take more time but I will get there!! :-)