1. Thinking -- women in this stage tend to be plagued with questions and doubts and fears. At Choice Mom events, it is the Thinkers who register first, seeking not simply "how to" information, but real stories from other women who have been there. It is this sharing of wisdom that I've been trying to capture in audio form at events, so that women who cannot attend can at least benefit from hearing ALL THE WOMEN who very much understand what they are going through. Some experienced Choice Moms have risen to the occasion -- at events, on the discussion boards, in ChoiceMoms.org comments fields -- to offer their wisdom. I'd love to see even more of this. I've built this website not to hear myself talk, but to give everyone more opportunity to communicate.

2. Trying -- women in this stage can be incredibly frustrated at the length of time it is taking to conceive or adopt, or confused about everything they never imagined they'd need to understand in order to have a child. They do a wonderful job talking among themselves on the discussion board. I'd love to see even more of them using expert insight from the fertility and adoption experts we have at ChoiceMoms.org.

3. Waiting -- oh how agonizing it is to wait for the results of a pregnancy test, or to get a green light on fertility challenges, or to go through the tedious paperwork and stressful home study process of adoption. I'd like to feature even more help to women in this stage on ChoiceMoms.org, and welcome your tips of ways to pass the time, to deal with the stress, to get checklists made and completed in preparation for motherhood.

4. Becoming -- the joy of new motherhood is also just plain exhausting. This is when we need to ask our friends, family and fellow Choice Moms to step in EVERY DAY and EVERY WEEK to help prepare meals. More than that, as doula Claudia Booker told women at our D.C. Choice Moms event, we need to identify in advance the friend who will coordinate the cooking and cleaning and shopping help so all we need to concentrate on is taking care of baby. I think this is where our local networks of Choice Moms will become the greatest support system. Women at events end up networking beautifully and offering friendship and help, as fellow women who understand the journey. I intend to build even more on ChoiceMoms.org (under keyword support network) to help us make these valuable connections.

5. Being -- after we've passed the thinking, trying, waiting and becoming hurdles, our days are filled with the joyful and stressful minutia of single parenting. I'm also starting to offer more insights, tips and strategies on ChoiceMoms.org to meet the challenges of our everyday lives. Stay tuned for book reviews and nuggets. And please offer your own expertise freely on this website. I can get overloaded with emails, but I'm always looking for your insights to share with the community. And that is especially true for those of us who live outside the United States. As I told women in London recently, and will do so at an upcoming event in Toronto, I don't want this website to remain as U.S.-centric as it has been. We're ALL OVER THE PLACE. And especially for those women who live in areas in which this isn't as common -- or accepted -- a choice as in our larger urban areas, every one of us deserves to feel connected to the amazing group of women that we are.

To that end, I'd also like to point out that another great way we can support each other is in times of great stress and tragedy.

When a Choice Mom died unexpectedly in D.C., the community who knew her offered special words and support so that her son, born posthumously, would someday be able to understand who she was and why she was so thrilled to have been able to make the choice to be a mom. When we can't share news with others of our miscarriage, or yet another unsmiling pregnancy test, it is the Choice Mom community that comes through on discussion boards. When our child is terribly ill -- as one of us I know is facing as I write this -- or we lose our job, or all hope of conceiving or adopting seems lost, or critics are bashing this choice, I want us to feel the strength of our community.

I am a pretty private person by nature. And I didn't particularly enjoy hosting Choice Mom events at the beginning, because of the work and stress involved. But I have so grown to love the worldwide community of women I have been meeting that I want ALL of us to experience it, add to it, and keep building on our points of connection.

Stay tuned at ChoiceMoms.org for examples and resources of ways we are connecting.