There are wonderful parenting books available, present and past, and I'm culling some of the best wisdom for the single parent. Use the Book Review keyword to find this growing library.

First, I'm starting with "Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking: Practical solutions to the most common preschool behavior problems," by Dr. Jerry Wyckoff and Barbara Unell.

All of us go into Choice Motherhood with visions of having an idyllic relationship with our child. And often we do have an amazingly strong and positive bond. But as the authors write, "the needs and wants of parents and children don't fit together like pieces of a puzzle." We tend to be strong-willed individuals, with like-minded kids, and inevitably find ways to clash, usually starting in the preschool years.

As single parents, already stressed by doing this alone, without a backup in the house, we can become horrified in time at hearing ourselves shout commands. We're trying to get out the door on time, we're impatient with their inability to absorb our wisdom and act on it, we've told them the same thing 50 times and they just don't "get it" like a coworker would have to.

This book reminds us how to adjust our responses to meet our children's needs -- it's never going to work the other way around.

"Our intent is to show parents how to react to discipline problems in calm, consistent, and effective ways, without shouting or spanking. We want to help parents become 'disciplined parents' who can control themselves when their children are losing control...Shouting and spanking are forms of violence that teach children that inflicting fear and pain on others is a way to control their behavior."

The authors offer 150 pages of advice about how to approach discipline as a teaching tool, not a punishment.

The goal of parenting, as I talked about in my "Choosing Single Motherhood" book, and as these trained experts discuss, is to:

• accept a child's innate temperament
• help them develop a sense of responsibility for their actions
• create a safe environment based on mutual trust
• teach them decision-making and problem-solving skills
• show them how to handle mistakes as challenges

They point out that parenting is hard even for the most skilled. It's designed as a team effort, requiring unlimited patience (which I, for one, don't have). Single parenting means we don't have someone around to help us plan strategies, share duties and establish rules. As I always recommend as #1 advice for Choice Moms, it is our responsibility to our children to develop a strong support network. In doing so, it becomes easier for us to have the stress relief needed to teach our kids how to behave responsibly, with a positive attitude, and in a culture of emotional strength.

The book defines the seven primary methods to discipline:

• Beat the clock -- completing tasks on your timetable, using a the neutral figure of a timer (this works well with my kids)
• Grandma's rule -- a contract of 'when you do this, then you may..." (and they suggest never substitute "if" for "when")
• Neutral time -- after a tantrum, this is the time to calmly teach what could have been done better
• Praise -- reinforcing positive behavior, i.e. "good eating" (NOT "good boy/girl for eating, as the point is to judge the behavior, not the child)
• Reprimand -- a SHORT statement that gives a command to stop a behavior, a reason for it, and an alternative; i.e. "Stop hitting. Hitting hurts people. Ask your friend nicely to give you the toy."
• Rule -- a predetermined expectation of outcome and consequence; the authors' work with families has shown that kids behave better with clear boundaries and anticipated consequences
• Time out -- setting a period of time for the child to sit in a separate chair or room, generally a minute for each year of age up to five, using a timer and allowing all parties to defuse tempers and regain self-control

I highly recommend this simple book filled with practical wisdom for anyone working through issues with preschoolers. It is filled with short chapters about a long list of preschooler tendencies and how to deal with it most effectively.

In the comments field below, I encourage you to write the issues you might be struggling with right now with your preschooler. I'll respond to a few of the most common ones with examples of advice from the book -- to show you how useful the book really is. And I'll select the best, honest anecdote and send that woman a copy of the book to thank you for your contribution to the ChoiceMoms.org community.

All of our parenting concerns tend to be universal; Choice Moms tend to suffer from the idea that we're supposed to be perfect at this role we chose to carry alone. So I'd love to get us talking about the challenges we face, because it's never idyllic 24/7.

Here are some of the preschooler issues addressed in the book:

• aggressive behavior (including biting)
• shyness (I'm still working with my 11-year-old on this at times)
• couch potato syndrome
• clinginess
• dawdling (still my toughest challenge with my daughter on school days)
• wanting more freedom, such as doing things without help or wandering off
• destructiveness with property
• ignoring cleanup routines
• lack of fear with strangers
• interrupting
• jealousy
• lying
• not following directions
• not sharing
• not wanting to eat
• weapon play
• resisting bedtime
• difficulty with transition time
• backtalk
• temper tantrums
• toilet training resistance
• whining (this one still drives me crazy!)

I also encourage women to respond back in the Comments below with solutions that worked for you.

Mikki