I've had two experiences recently where I've definitely felt the difficulties of being a single mom.
Posted September 25, 2010 at 1:25 PM
Kim: When single parenting is hardest
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Mikki's note: Kim originally shared her story with the Choice Mom discussion board. I thought it was too important to lose over time. She gave me permission to post it here. This speaks to the major importance of support network that we're always talking about on ChoiceMoms.org. Who are your back-ups?
The first was my dad getting sick and feeling like it would be easier to have another adult around to lean on. That has calmed down a little bit, things are still in the works as far as surgeries and such but I don't feel as stressed about it now.
The second was in the last couple of days. My son, a little over 2 woke up early Friday morning coughing and having trouble breathing. We went to the emergency room about 4:30 am, he has croup. It was hard not having someone else there. I couldn't leave him, didn't want to leave him even to go to the bathroom. I know the nurse would have watched him but he needed me so much right then. Fortunately a little later in the morning my sitters,(what would I do without them, they are worth their weight in gold!) helped me out. One of them went to my house, fed my animals and gathered up some stuff for us since we had to spend the night in the hospital and I hadn't taken hardly anything with me. The other came to visit so I could at least go pee!
All my friends who I would have felt most comfortable calling were at work so I couldn't. I know my sitters would have come if I'd asked them at any time but I just felt like they had done so much for me already. I did let the nurses watch him for a bit so I could go get something to eat. He just seems so scared when he's not with the people he knows well that I'm hesitant to do that unless I really have to. Plus when he's sick I know he just needs his mommy.
Anyway I guess I'm just sharing my experience. Single mothering has not seemed that difficult for me but there are moments where you really feel the lack of an automatic support system that comes with a spouse or a partner. You just have to learn to ask for help and know you have to take care of yourself too. It was about 36 hours in the hospital but we are home now and he's fine. Certainly if it were a longer stay I would not hesitate to get more people to help me. I guess we have to be prepared for anything!
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Posted November 2, 2010 at 8:13 PM by Amy
I am sorry to hear about your hard time. When my son was 4 months old (He's almost 5 years old now) he had an ALTE (Apparent Life Threatening Event). My sitter found him blue in his crib and did cpr and saved his life. I will spare you the very long story but he was in the hospital for 3 weeks and I never left him. Those were dark days and I was destroyed and my only support was my mom. She was forced to return to work after 2 weeks. Anyway, many times during our stay I wished I had a husband or some type of partner. HOWEVER, just because you are married that does not guaranty you support. I saw many things in the hospital and not all couples were able to be a support to one another. Some can not agree on what to do and people deal with grief and stress in such different ways. Anyway, I just wanted to throw my 2 cents in and say at least you have some support in your sitter, I know how you feel, I hope you feel better soon.
Amy