In "Single Mother in Charge: How to successfully pursue happiness," Sandy writes about the beliefs she used to have as a single mom. I know some Choice Moms, who proactively plan for single motherhood, hold some of these fears as well down deep, despite better intentions:

• My son will never have a normal sense of family
• I can't do this by myself
• I can't make more money
• I'm unattractive

She encourages readers to write down their own beliefs -- even the ones we Choice Moms can be reluctant to admit even to ourselves. She writes about the reality of optimism and positive thinking, which we can learn if it's not our instinct or we are currently feeling very low. She says that "taking action," even a small step such as writing "research this topic" on our to-do list, is often the sure way to move an idea into something real (I know this is a very common step that gets Choice Moms out of the Thinking stage to make a 'yes' or 'no' decision).

Much of Sandy's book focuses on the fears and needs of a woman who has been thrown into single motherhood against her will, and how to re-emerge from that trauma. But especially for the single woman who struggles with the decision about whether she can become a parent on her own, there is good insight about dealing with anxiety, anger, worry and guilt on behalf of the child's experience.

For example, she points out the University of Maryland study that found that single mothers spend almost as much quality time with their children as married mothers. [I find that the Choice Moms in my community are extremely engaged with their kids, filling weekends with family time; it tends to be the married couples I hear from for playdates.]

Getting "out of comfort zone" is something many Choice Moms are quite adept at -- many have extensive travel experiences, succeed at career risk-taking. But Sandy offers insight for those who, for example, feel lower self-esteem because they haven't found a lasting partner to build a family with. "Forget what others have done or can do. Your challenge is to improve yourself. If it has always been hard for you to smile at a stranger and you do it, this is success! If it has been hard for you to exercise and you manage to do a 15-minute power walk, this is success! If you were always giving in to fear and you were able to do something despite this feeling, this is a huge achievement!" She encourages women to find out-of-comfort-zone experiences to write down and tackle.

I think the best part of the book comes half-way through, when she offers 22 strategies for relearning old habits. How to get a sense of calm and gratification. Making the best of any situation and trying to improve it. Short chapters on how to: find a role model, simplify, be grateful, take care of yourself, laugh, meditate, get back to nature, meet new friends.

She ends the book with several chapters about the Single Mother in Charge's power, instincts, influence, strength, wisdom, empathy, authenticity, family time, connection, flexibility and much more. Sandy writes about how she realized one day that her true goal was to improve herself first in order to raise a decent human being (a mentsh). She used the words of Albert Einstein in thinking about how she wanted to raise her son: "Try to become not a man of success, but try rather to become a man of values."

What are YOUR goals as a single parent? How are you doing?
Share your story here and I'll randomly pick out one woman to receive a copy of Sandy's book to see if there are ways you can improve on for the next leg of your journey.

And if you want to find the book, go to Sandy's website.

-- Mikki