I returned to posting Choice Mom commentaries on Blogger, which I had suspended in May as I concentrated on developing the website content here. The first post that came out, after collecting in my head for a few months, was about borders, and how easy it seems to be, especially as we enter middle age, to cut people out of our lives, as compared to adding them. You can read that post here.

One of the conversations that prompted that essay also triggered this one. The idea that -- whether it's advancing age or pressures of daily demands or simply the nature of our personalities -- it is hard to trust other people.

People let us down. People make us angry. People have differing ideologies. These are all easy ways to weed through and cut out.

But how do we add?

Many months ago, the Rev. Justin Schroeder at my First Universalist Church talked about "being known." He did not ask us to simply embrace all of humanity as a great use of our limited energies, which I appreciated as someone who already felt guilty and pressured by connections that didn't seem to add to my life. But he asked us to think about who we've turned to when we wanted to share great news -- getting that new job, beating cancer. Or to confess that we had reached a low point -- needing to get treatment for alcoholism, deciding on divorce. Or who can know us enough to say, "you should leave that relationship," or "I know how much that means to you."

He acknowledged that many of us are private. Think about the secrets we carry, the addictions we haven't confessed, the times we've been unfaithful to our values, the shame of feeling flawed or broken and the many ways we don't want that to be known. It takes emotional energy and it is risky to trust, he said.

We all know many stories of betrayal and disloyalty. As he acknowledged, there are costs to being known, so it's no wonder that we often avoid it.

He read from "The Art of Disappearing," by Naomi Shihab Nye, about finding balance by turning down the opportunity to say yes. He commiserated that often people talk at us, not with us. That not all conversations are equal.

In a recent conversation with someone that had real weight, I was reminded of how fragile it is when we discover that we are not known, by anyone. I think this is something we as Choice Moms will discover increasingly in time, as our children get older and we realize we've let 18 years go since we maintained close friendships because we've been devoted to their needs.

Rev. Schroeder reminded us that life is short and precious, and we can tumble at any moment. He invited us to decide what we want to do with our limited time -- and whether there is someone, somewhere, we want to share those precious seconds with as we get older. He said that when we reach that place of realizing that we won't be here forever, we must lean in and trust someone or something, to share ourselves, our vision. We find that there comes a time when we'd like to confess our insights and let ourselves be known, to "find connection and strength and joy and the meaning of life's fulfillment."

Is there someone who can meet you in the place you are at, to round out your life with meaning and purpose?
When our kids are grown and creating their own new relationships, where will we be?
Where will you be?
Is this something you'd like to talk about?

If so, consider using the Choice Moms network: our discussion board, our mental health professionals who are committed to talk about our feelings of isolation. Or simply use the comments field below to share your thoughts.

For the podcast of Rev. Schroeder's conversation, click here.