I've been hearing from more Choice Moms of twins lately, and it reminds me that we need to offer more on this website for single moms with multiples.
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Posted November 3, 2010 at 3:35 PM
Parenting multiples
Tips
These tips from Minneapolis-based Choice Mom doula Nichi are useful even for Choice Moms of one newborn, since having one pair of hands those first six months in particular is difficult:
- Hire a postpartum doula, or a nanny, or a grandmother, someone who can be there for hours on end helping you care for your babies AND helping you care of you.
- Make and freeze meals (as many as your freezer will hold) ahead of time, or, sign up for a meal delivery program for the first six months.
- Consider where/how you purchase your groceries. Does your local grocery store offer delivery if you order online? Do they offer drive up? Do you have someone who will do the snack/meal planning, shopping and putting away for you? Someone who KNOWS your nutritional needs and desires?
- You will lose control around how your house is kept up. You may consider hiring a cleaning company or organizing person to step in and offer that support. Grandma doesn’t always put things where you want them. You’ll have to let go of that and be grateful the job is done.
- If you have four-legged friends who love exercise and attention, you might want to check with your neighbor kids to set up a dog walking routine ahead of time.
- Think up some nutritious and easy to prepare snacks and set up nursing stations in the areas of your home you spend the most time. Is it in the living room, the den, the basement? You may want to set up a few of those spaces with a blanket, extra pillow, burp cloths, water and a basket of snacks.
- Have a support team in wait to physically help you feed the babies for the first few weeks. Usually you can go about four weeks before sleep deprivation is overwhelming, so just let yourself ask for the help from the start.
- Set up two diaper-changing stations -- one in the nursery and one in the living room/where you spend the most time. Stock this station with extra onesies, receiving blankets, diapers, wipes, creams, and sleepers. Shelves that hold baskets are most handy.
- Preschedule bodywork or chiropractic appointments for yourself and the babies. You will have a stiff and sore neck and back from hunching over and nursing in odd positions, and you will need a time of respite. A shower taken alone is sometimes all one can ask for, but it’s amazing how quickly some bodywork or an adjustment can boost your energy and immune system.
What advice do you have? Or if you're expecting multiples, what questions and stories would you like to hear?
Reader Comments
Posted November 10, 2010 at 9:03 PM
If you want, you can definitely breastfeed twins. Nursing both at the same time is an instant way to help resolve everyone's needs. You can also sit down, put your feet up, and have a snack. (And, yes, you should and can get your snack ready even if the babies are crying because you need it for the milk production.) Nursing twins is a bit to master in the beginning, but well worth it.
I shower at night and find it relaxing to unwind before going to bed, and easier than squeezing it in during the morning rush out the door to day care and work.
Hmmm...I feel like I had another point, but I can't remember. I'll chime back in when I do. I would love to find a way to connect with other single moms of multiples. Mine are 20 months.
Posted November 10, 2010 at 4:53 PM
This is so wonderful, thank you for posting this. I am part of a few MOMs (Moms Of Multiples) groups that also help with tips, etc, but somehow the advice always seems more appropriate coming from Choice Moms.
I'd like to see more active discussions on the message board (which I've almost forgotten about since having my babies 4mos ago!) so we can continue to help each other out.
Posted November 5, 2010 at 9:22 PM
It's been over 4 years since my twins were born, but from what I remember...
If you are formula feeding, make one big batch to last 24 hours, fill up all the bottles and stick them in the frigde. Grab and warm as needed in the two bottle warmers that you will have whever you do feedings. This is often easier than trying to make them from scratch two at a time many times throughout the day with crying, hungry babies!
Arrange for friends, family or babysitters to come over to watch one baby so that you can spend some solo time with the other baby. Amazing how easy life seems for a few hours with just one baby! You may even feel brave enough to take one baby in a sling into a store or a coffee shop. You'll learn all sorts of things about each twin during this wonderful solo time, and will appreciate them as individuals even during the moments when you feel you are a dairy factory with a manure-manufacturing side business.
Bring your babies bouncy seats right into the bathroom with you and take that shower, every day. Do it right from the beginning and they will enjoy the sound and feel of the warm air. Sing while you shower - any old song. Call me selfish, but I have never gone a day without a shower since the babies came home.
When things are bad - babies crying, you are feeling hopeless and alone, get out of the house. Put them in a stroller and walk, or in the car and drive, or just the back yard - whatever. Sometimes a change of scenery is what you and your babies need to get over a miserable phase. After one awful afternoon of constant crying (all of us!)I once bundled my twins up in 30-degree weather, put them in a stroller and walked three blocks. They cried harder than they were crying before. I walked one more block then turned back towards home. As soon as we were back in the warmth of the house, the crying stopped.
Give yourself a pat on the back whenever you can. As a single mom, you are immediately outnumbered with twins. It is a balancing act, and some days you will feel wrung out, strung out and wondering how you can do this. It does get easier, bit by bit. One day you will wake up to the sound of two kids playing with each other while you snuggle in your bed for a few more minutes and you will realize that having twins finally did get easier.
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Posted May 29, 2011 at 2:59 PM by Fern
A week ago at my first ultrasound at 6 1/2 weeks pregnant the technician found not one heartbeat but two! As soon as she left, I burst into tears. There couldn't be more life changing news.
It's been a year of trying that's been, yep, very trying. I was more psychologically prepared for this to never work than for this news.
I am happy, very happy, but stunned. Thanks to these single moms of twins for your tips. I am already feeling overwhelmed and not comforted at all by mainstream multiples websites that assume a partner on the scene.