The road you have chosen to travel on can be daunting. The courage of your convictions will help you navigate that road. Having a support network gives you both an educational and personal base, validating your individual choice. You’ll be surprised at how many people will offer assistance to you along the way. It is important to stay open while also knowing where to "weed out" information that does not serve you or looms negative over your head!

One afternoon, during my Thinking stage, I was reading a popular urban publication and, by chance, came across an ad for an upcoming gathering of like-minded women at the home of one who had adopted her child. I decided to go to this gathering and, to my surprise, found 25 people there who were either thinking about single parenting or had already started the process. I was so inspired from that event, I invited five of those women to come to my home to continue to meet weekly. It was a success. We met regularly and supported one another during the next two years, as each one of us took the path to pregnancy and parenthood. We ranged in age from 34-44.

But happenstance is rare. Finding support indeed takes effort. Here are some tips for you.

• Check your local publications to see if you can attend any informational meetings on single parenting. Not only will you get valuable information but you can build and cultivate lasting friendships - as I did. Even smaller, less popular publications have interesting classified advertisement.
• There will be family members and friends who support you. But don’t be surprised if a few of them do not. For whatever reasons - moral, political, personal - some you may normally be close with may not be your strongest advocates. That’s okay. Welcome those who will be.
• Many whom you thought were strange to your decision will gladly offer their support. It may be a colleague at work, a member of a club you already belong to, or a stranger you just happened to strike up a conversation with on a park bench or grocery store. You’ll be surprised at who comes out of the woodwork for you.
• If you have a counselor with whom you already meet with and trust, stay with her or him. That person may be able to help you find or start a weekly support group as well.
• You have the world at your fingertips when it comes to research! Take advantage of online material that can give you "cyber-support." Statistics can be helpful, personal testimonies are reassuring and further readings are plentiful.

Arlene Rubenstein, M.Ed.
single mother by choice/workshop leader
206-356-3870
444 Ravenna Blvd, Seattle, WA (Greenlake area)