She was considering adoption for a second time, and deciding whether to pursue domestic adoption of an infant. She wondered what people thought about the burden it might place on a 20-year-old to have a retired parent, if it made a difference because we're single rather than partnered, etc.

She got many interesting responses. Such as:

"I don't put an age on parenting. If you are able to parent, if you are able to set up a support network and care for your child should something happen, then I'm all for it. My mother used to foster children, was great at working with children, and has
mentioned that she would love to adopt but now over 50, it's just her age that gets in the way event though there's nothing wrong with her ability."

"I will be 55 when my daughter graduates from high school. I honestly think that 'how old is too old?' is largely dependent on one's thinking and lifestyle. I personally know many women, older than I am, who do not look or 'act' their age. Women like my grandmother, who at 85+ has a busier social schedule than I do."

"My feeling is that yes, at some point you're too old, in terms of likelihood to have enough time to raise your child, see them through college and early adulthood, before you die. We all like to think that we will live a longer-than-average, healthy, active life, but statistics say that many of us will not. My own single mother died when she was 63 and I was 31, and I was still in graduate school. It's quite a trauma to lose your one and only parent, and I think the trauma is magnified when you don't have your own partner/kids. This line of thinking was what got me to kick it into high gear with TTC. At 36, when I started seriously considering SMC, I did not feel old, but then I did the math of how old I'd be when my child was in college, and, oh my, what if I wanted two kids, and right then and there said I'm doing this and doing it now! I feel sad sometimes that I may not have as much time as I'd like to be in my children's and grandchildren's lives. It certainly is good incentive to live a healthful life."

"I think that how you feel and think about this issue might somewhat depend on the demographics of the city/region where you live. I live in Vancouver. The clients of the midwifery clinic I attended are mostly in their 30s and 40s. This made me, at 35, feel completely normal...I suspect I might feel like more of an anomaly, and perhaps more of a burden or drag on my child, if I lived in an area where most Mums were in their early or mid 20s."

"Among my circle of friends in the San Francisco Bay area, the median age to have their first child seems to be more like 38... And, BTW, none of us really know how long we have, so the idea that we will have less time with our children is presumptuous and simply not true. This is the same philosophy I have about choosing the SMC path. Anyone who is married has absolutely no guarantee they will stay married (divorce, death, acts of God, etc), no matter how solid they consider their marriage."

"I had my first at 33 and my second at 36... and I'm exhausted. I'm in awe of the ladies who have the energy to chase after toddlers at 50."

"For me, I made my cut off 40. I just had my first baby at 35, six months ago, and am already somewhat panicked because I want another one next year (I'll be 37) and dont have the funds to do the fertility treatment again just yet."

"When I was younger, 60 to 65 seemed really old based on how my grandparents looked and acted. But now that my parents are both nearing 62, they (along with the rest of the baby boomers) are redefining what it means to be in your 60s. They're active, intelligent, they travel, etc. just like people of any other age."

"On many levels I think the better question is 'how young is too young?' While I never wanted to follow the path of single motherhood, I knew it was the right step for me when I realized I had already done many of the things I wanted to do, except have a child. I had traveled extensively, had an interesting career, gotten to pursue several outside interests, etc. I also had money in the bank, a secure job that would allow me the flexibility to take on this challenge alone without worrying about my next paycheck or whether I could buy shoes for the baby. While I have very little personal time at the moment, I don't resent that, as I had the years of doing my own thing and don't harbor a resentment for having lost the opportunity to try something I hadn't done before, or see the world, etc."

Join the discussion. What do YOU think?

-- Mikki