While it is fun at cocktail parties, when someone asks what I do, to say that I specialize in "helping single women have babies," technically the term Choice Moms refers to "being a single woman who proactively decides to build a family on her own." As single mothers by choice (the term created by Jane Mattes more than 25 years ago), we find each other, and resources such as this website, because we are dedicated to being the smartest, healthiest, most dedicated single mothers we can be for children we actively create on our own.

It's a very different model than the single mother who finds herself raising a family alone after divorce, widowhood, abandonment or other forces beyond her control. We don't worry about child support and custody visits. We worry in advance about whether we can emotionally and financially be the strength that our child needs. Then after that child is here, through conception or adoption, we worry for a few years about if we're doing everything right, until we fully get our Mother legs. When our child first asks "do I have a dad?" we worry that we haven't chosen the perfect words to tell the story.

As our children start to grow into generally responsible, independent, determined Choice Kids, we learn that the "Choice" aspect of our lifestyle can make a huge difference between the lives of our children and the lives that have showed up in headlines about "single-parent" families. Choice Kids know how deeply they were wanted -- and despite some occasional consternation about how we never have enough time to play with them, they know how dedicated we are to helping them become the healthiest person they can be.

What about you? What aspects of this lifestyle do you worry about?