A young law student, proactively planning ahead about eight years, asked women on the discussion board for their views on her plan. Here's what she wondered...
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Posted January 18, 2011 at 8:15 AM
Choice Chat: Can I build a family with a 60-hour work week?
Choice Chat
A career in public interest had more flexibility of hours, but less income. A career in corporate law would require 60-hour work weeks, but pay well so she could subsidize her parents' medical expenses, prepare for her own retirement, and eventually send her kids to good colleges on a single income. It was important to her to involve her parents in her children's lives as much as possible.
She wondered how she would stay connected to her children without steady contact.
To my mind, this is one of those questions that speaks to the heart of much of our own struggles as single parents. How do we provide AND nurture equally well, as one person?
We all obviously have different goals about financial requirements. Some of us find greater security in being able to provide for a nanny, costly education and great summer camp experiences. Others find greater security in being able to be regularly present for our children on a day to day basis, even if it means we are not able to afford as much.
Speaking as one who left the corporate high-paying world for self employment, and the weaker income that comes from it, I obviously chose to have more time with my kids until they no longer needed me as much. But I'm also fortunate that my chosen career as a writer/editor is one that I can do with a laptop and no major overhead. In this virtual age, I have been able to create a virtual office environment.
What about you? How have you found the balance that works for you? Or are you still trying to find what works?
Reader Comments
Posted January 19, 2011 at 12:57 PM
I'm interested to hear someone say this as I've been struggling with the same question. My job isn't quite that demanding - we usually average 50 hours a week, some more, some less, but my job has good flexibility in that if I need to leave to go to a school event, or work from home with a sick child, no one would have any issue with that, but is demanding in that it is generally very deadline oriented. However, the promise I have made to myself is that I will try to stay here and make it work with a child, but if I find that I can't make it work, I will either cut my hours back and go to a part-time schedule to the extent that I can afford to do so, or will find a new job.
However, I have to say that I am worried about my ability to be a good mom with just 50 hour weeks - even I would admit that I do not think there is any way I could manage 60 hours.
Bear in mind too that even if you could work 60 hour weeks and spend time with your child, how can you possibly carve out any time for yourself? If you don't, you're not taking care of yourself, and that will show up both at home and at work.
Hope you find a way to make it work. I'm still working on that part myself as well - I do love my job, but I know that if it comes to a choice, well, there's no choice to make - family comes first. Good luck!
Posted January 18, 2011 at 3:00 PM
At the risk of being blunt, I think that trying to combine a 60-hr work week and being a single mom is insane. Children don't need money, they need a loving parent and a stable home. (I mean once basic essentials are taken care of, of course.) A child is not a toy or even a pet, it's someone who has an enormous amount of needs, physical and emotional, for many years. If you're not ready to put your own life, including job, in the 2nd line then why do you want a child? Maybe do your career thing for a few years, make money, travel the world, do all the things you won't regret not doing when you're up all night with a sick baby. There's a time and place in life for everything - but not everything at the same time.
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Posted January 20, 2011 at 6:45 AM by Jess
I don't know that it's any different to be married or single when you work a lot of hours. It all depends on the way you and your child cope with the situation and how you manage your time and childcare arrangements. I currently have a 55-65 hr workweek, and it is possible. I couldn't do it without a great support network though. I currently rely heavily on my parents who do the majority of my daycare, and I also have a babysitter who takes care of my daughter 1-2 days a week. For anyone contemplating this path without that level of support, I'd recommend considering live-in help. I'm sure some people can manage without it, but I need it for my sanity.
I don't plan to work this many hours indefinitely. It's too difficult for me. I am a social worker who works in administration from 9-5. I am accruing face-to-face hours toward clinical licensure, which should be complete by the end of this calendar year. It's a huge sacrifice for me and my daughter right now, but she's still very little. She has a great relationship with her grandparents and her babysitter, so that alleviates a lot of my guilt. I couldn't do it forever, however, and I'm only doing it now because it will help to provide long-term financial security for us. Once I get my license, I'll probably always work 40-50 hours a week, but I'll try to make as many of those hours when she's sleeping. I'll try to avoid weekends and holidays (I work Sundays and a lot of holidays now), so we can spend that time together.
I think it's harder for me than it is for her to spend so little time together. I miss her terribly when she's at my mother's because I'm working two doubles in a row, but also think that she's lucky to have so much quality time with her grandparents. She's closer with them than she would be otherwise. Someday when I can afford to take her on cool vacations and pay for college, I'll be happy I did this, but have no illusions, it's very difficult.