I was recently asked to write a celebration of single motherhood for American Fertility Association -- as part of their newsletter focused on finding unexpected joys in non-traditional family building. I started off by writing: "A month before my 35th birthday, I told my boyfriend that I wanted to have children. So…. he broke up with me the day after my birthday."

You can read it in full here.

During a recent trip for Choice Moms business, I had to leave my kids behind. My son stayed with another Choice Mom family -- he has been best buddies with one of those sons for five years. My daughter, for the first time, stayed with a 7th grade friend who is being raised by a lesbian couple. Both of my kids had a wonderful time in Mom's absence. Neither one of them has any thought that any of us, including their friends, is growing up in an environment that is not "normal."

"Normal" -- for those of us lucky enough to experience the many-sided splendors of life -- means growing up in an environment filled with love, of friends, of family, of self-expression, of self-fulfillment.

Some say that we are selfish for wanting to bring a child in the world who doesn't have a father. Some say that adopting children, or conceiving them with donor sperm, egg or embryo, or the use of a surrogate or gestational carrier, is "commodifying" children. Making them possessions we want to produce and own, without thinking about how they feel about our choice.

In fact, the Institute of Family Values (Elizabeth Marquardt) has again produced its own "report" in support of that very premise. It indicated that even the deep "want" and "intent" to be a parent doesn't make up for the longing that child will always have to be in a household with one biological father and one biological mother.

Of course, anyone who wants to raise a family does so for selfish reasons. We tend to have a deep need to be needed. To love. To nurture. To give ourselves fully to another human life.

That's not a bad way to bring a child into the world. Especially if we compare it with parents who do not have a deep "want" or "intent" to raise a child. Personally, I think those are the children the Institute of Family Values might want to concentrate on.

But I don't spend much time thinking of those "reports" anymore. Because, frankly, what actually matters are the words of my 8-year-old son, for example, who one recent night simply made me a card that says: "You are the best Mom in the world (you know that). Because your [sic] there when I need you. Mom, thank you for making me your son."

This holiday season, I wish for ALL of us in the Choice Moms community -- Thinking, Trying, Waiting to Being -- to see the vision of the family they want to consciously create. Whether conceiving or adopting or using a surrogate or foster care, the love we have for nurturing a child into wholeness deserves every chance it can to blossom.

Blessings to all of us on our journey!

Mikki