Finding Childcare

For what it's worth here is my pros and cons thus far (I left money off the list because the difference in cost between the two is not that different).

Daycare Pros
1. Far more opportunities for socialization for the children
2. More adults to divide the "stress" of taking care of an infant and more eyes watching what someone is doing with your child.
3. No worries if one care provider is sick. It's always there except when the child is sick! Also open almost all the time except for 6 major holidays.

Daycare Cons
1. More likely for the child to get sick from other sick children
2. Less one on one attention

Nanny pros
1. Great one on one attention
2. No worries if the child is sick as to who will take care of her
3. No rushing in the morning to get the child ready when I have to get to work

Nanny cons
1. Only one person watching the child with no one to divide the stress with. High potential for abuse and/or leaving the child to do nothing while the nanny watches tv...
2. If nanny gets sick I have no one to watch the baby
3. Less socialization opportunities for the child
4. If nanny decides to quit it could take a long time before finding other care...hard while I'm working...

Melanie added:
"We had a nanny for my brother and sister. (they are 10 months apart) She was there from birth until they were about three, and then they went to pre-school. When my sibs were about 8-9, my stepmother had a young university aged girl move in and live rent free in exchange for watching them after school, tutoring and driving them to activities. She stayed there until they were 13. It worked out really great. My sibs are still in occasional contact with both of them.

"What about a small at home daycare? (that is accredited) I would NEVER have put my oldest in an at home daycare, her needs were different, but I have my youngest in an at home daycare and he really likes it. They only have 8 kids, and 4 of them have been there since birth, almost 4 years. I like the fact that they have such a low turn over."

Shannon added:
"In the Pros for Nanny, I'd add that a nanny is more likely to be flexible if you have to work late occasionally, which would be great for me. As much as I know I'm going to want to come home immediately after work, there are going to be days where I won't be able to do that.

"As for one of the Cons for Nanny you mentioned, that there's no one to watch Leah if the nanny gets sick - one of the nanny finder services in my town says they'll get a substitute nanny out to you if your nanny is sick. If I decide on a nanny I'm thinking of going with them just for that reason alone!"

Lenore said:
"For my first, I used an in-home daycare recommended by a friend. She
was very motherly and rarely sick and my daughter had a few other
kids to socialize with. By the time she was 2, I knew she needed
more stimulation and varied activities (some home day-cares have
these but not this one). Then I transferred her to a daycare center
which was wonderful for her, after she got over the transition,
crying when I left her each day :(

When my second was born, just as my first was turning 5, I hired a
nanny. That way she could care for the baby and take the older one
to school and I did not have to get two kids ready in the morning and
to day cares before work. She was expensive but great. She was
friends (or became friends) with other nannies from school and they
often did activities together with the kids. When my youngest was 1,
she returned to England and one of the other nannies (actually she
was a stay-at-home mom with 2 kids exactly the same age as mine) took
care of them in her home. Our two families are still very close
friends. When my daughter was 3, the mom went back to work and I had
to find a new arrangement which was a preschool.

So, it basically was a patchwork quilt of care to fit our needs and
depending on what was available at the time. My main criteria were
that my kids receive warm, attentive stimulating care in a safe
environment. I must say, I saw many completely unacceptable daycares/
centers in my search and it did take quite a lot of time and effort
visiting and judging to make a good decision. I found that gut
feeling/gestalt was much more important than all of those questions
they tell you to ask.

I think the structure/venue is less important than caring and
attentiveness of those caring for your child. I would try to check
on the stability of the staff at any center so the kids do not have
to change caregivers too often at a very young age."

Lily added:
"For me, a well-run larger center was the ideal situation, and I was
lucky to find one. Ultimately, I wanted the issue of whether a
caregiver got sick or took a vacation to be the problem of the center,
and not mine. I was too afraid of being left in the lurch in an area
where infant care is next to impossible to come by, so if you lose it,
you're really stuck."

Chelsie said:
"I've worked at a daycare in the infant and toddler and preschool rooms and even though the center was state certified it wasn't a great place. The workers were young, not paid all that well, not educated all that well on child development and we often had ratios that were over the state limit, BUT we made ourselves look good when the parents came to tour. I hated that, but I'm just sayin, maybe schedule a tour and then just randomly stop in and see how it feels...

I've also been a nanny for families w/newborns up to school age children and that was a much better experience. The families I worked for became part of my family and I theirs. They trusted me w/their children and because of that I had free range to do whatever I and the children wanted to do everyday. We had our morning routine of getting ready and fed and then off for some activity whether it was storytime (where I met lots of other great moms that I became friends w/that ended up in regular play dates and mutual outings), the zoo, every park in the city, hiking, wading at the lake, or playdates-we always got out and had fun and then came home for rest and play at home til parents got home. I even travelled w/one of my family's on several occasions.
I'd highly recommend hiring a nanny if you can find one you click with. The families that hired me found me through mutual friends, other people I'd babysat or nannyed for or by the family posting an ad on the job board at one of the local colleges that I happened to see. I think as an SMC having a nanny that you really love and that your children love, cuz they will if you find the right person, would be an added benefit to your family being small-another person to add to the circle of family, network, support, you know? It's important that you and the nanny have similar views on child raising and if she has no clue what her beliefs are move on to the next."

Uli added:
"For some reason, this has never been much of a question for me and so I want to share why not: I think that what you need to be certain about is what kind of parenting style is yours and what kind of parenting style will best fit your child.

For me, that is where the really big difference lies.

Many of the pro's and con's you mention are really dependent on which nanny or childcare you use, so they are up to you to manage. Example: you say there are more people to watch kids in the daycare, but whether that's good or bad who knows? If certain practices are accepted in a childcare setting then likely most caretakers will follow them. Most daycares have some kind of "punishment" policy - even the Montessori ones - that I personally totally disagree with. But others don't. There are as many different daycare centers and philosophies out there as there are different ladies who work as nannies.

The same way you visit and question and pick a daycare, you do the same with a nanny. If you interview someone face to face and see them interact with your child and you still have a doubt whether she's going to watch TV and let your baby scream then the answer is simple - she's the wrong person. (of course you can also get a nanny cam but what I'm saying is if you have that big a doubt then get someone else.) It doesn't mean all nannies are wrong, however.

The socializing aspect can be good and bad, again it depends on the child. I took my child to summer camp. She's a very smart but sensitive child so in that camp socializing meant let them run loose and prevent bad accidents. That's it. There was no guidance as to sharing, as to speaking softly, as to being polite, as to not hitting or kicking or pushing (unless violent). Needless to say it was a disaster. She's tall and very strong so no doubt she would have found her way, but frankly I don't like being around rude and impolite people so why should she?

But again, maybe you prefer that your kid learn from other children and then this is a setting you prefer, or you find a local daycare where the caretakers are very consistent on watching over these things. Or your kid has a more rumbunctious character and will do much better when with other kids who are similar. What you need to find is what is right and feels natural to the child, what is an extension to your own philosophy. I also visited a Waldorf daycare later with a friend, and there things were completely different and even I could have seen myself having her there a few days a week.

I also want to mention that most child developmentally trained people will say that until the age of 2 or 3 years, they will not play with kids their age. Those friends of mine who have kids in daycare all confirm that -- they are in the same room but the kids do not play with each other, at this age they are absorbed by learning what they are doing right there and then. So if you just want your kid to be around other kids on a regular basis, don't assume a nanny can't do it -- just make it clear to her that this is what you want, find out about playgroups in your area and that's all you need. Whether having the same person around all day is dull and boring or not really depends on the person.

I have a great nanny -- am now in the middle of looking for a new one because mine is going back home - and there's no dullness at all. There is painting, crafting, reading, lots of time outside (try finding that in a daycare!), music, cooking, dressing up and pretend lay ... you name it. There are 2 classes a week for music and theater/drama/play and occasional playgroup meetings etc.

Sorry this became so long --- I just wanted to give some examples of how you can manage to make the best out of the pros and cons you mentioned. You need to find who or what is best for your child, then it will work for you too because if your kid is happy so are you.

Finally, regarding cost, I didn't find the difference was that huge. If I work fulltime, I would need before and after care at the daycare, I would need someone to watch my daughter when there's a holiday that no one else can take or when --every month-- there is a school day off. Not to mention when the child is sick. It can be very difficult to find a consistent, reliable person to fill in these days, unless your mom or neighbor or friend or such. The only time I will actually have to work from home is when the live-in nanny is VERY sick. And that hasn't happened."

Lastly, this was a good suggestion from another Choice Mom
"The pros of daycare are social interaction with other children, gaining independent skills (dressing, going to the bathroom by herself, eating by herself etc) better than when staying at home with a nanny or parent. The cons are mainly sickness, less loving one-on-one interactions. If you look at this list, I believe the pros do not really apply to a 4 month old baby. And the cons apply to a 4 month old baby. Therefore for the age 4 month to 2years I would choose a nanny. The pros of the nanny at this age are: less exposure to germs (probably will avoid having tubes in her ears), individual attention. Cons: if you hire an abusive/bad nanny probably the individual attention will vanish and more bad could happen. But it's up to you to make the right choice of nanny and I think not everyone is a psycho.

After 2 years of age the pros of daycare kick in. Children start being more resistant to being sick (for example after two years of age the Eustachian tube that connects the nose with the ear and that is too short for babies--triggering frequent ear infections--starts becoming longer and therefore the danger of ear infections decreases) and they start needing more social interaction and to develop independent skills. For these reasons, I would personally wait with the daycare until 2.5-3yo."