"I don't want everyone to know all of my business. So now I'm trying to decide what to do about this. People will inevitably ask who the father is and my current party line is 'he and I are no longer in contact.' But this is only for folks I don't really know or don't want to tell. What I would like to know is how you chose to handle disclosure, privacy, friends over-sharing, etc."

There are two basic approaches to the "telling family and friends" question. Many women are private and prefer that details remain within her control to tell. Especially those women who also realize that someday this is her child's story to tell -- not hers, and not others. Their advice included:

• "If anyone DOES ask, I would probably just say, 'The daddy is out of the picture,' and leave it at that. I would not elaborate and hopefully that would shut down the conversation."
• "In my family and social circle, it's more socially acceptable [to use anonymous sperm] than getting pregnant by some man I wouldn't even name. I think having a child will force me to be more open about a lot of things, because I can't see myself raising a child with lies or secrets."
• "I'm not planning to explain why I did this at every drop of a hat. That's never been me. A simple 'I adopted her as an embryo,' 'she's adopted,' or 'I planned our life together' will have to be enough sometimes. She can scream her story from the rooftop though. As long as she knows my quietness is not shame then we're good. I'm super proud of my baby and she'll know that."
• "At times I wish I were a little more private, not because I'm embarrassed or ashamed of my plans, but because the next months of TTC might be easier if everyone around me didn't know what I was planning on doing. Ultimately it's a personal decision for each of us. Unfortunate that we can't always count on those we should be able to trust the most to keep our privacy when we want it."

Other women fall in the "be loud and proud category."

Said one, who recognized that the woman was understandably upset with her friends: "I would be too. But let's look at it from their point. This is probably the juiciest, most interesting bit of gossip they've had in years. I'm sure they love seeing people's reactions. I plan on telling people 'I chose to have him/her on my own' or 'We're a mom and kid family' or even 'I'm what's called a Choice Mom. That means I planned to have him/her on my own.' Saying you're no longer in touch with the father might conjure up more potential gossip. 'Did she tell him she's pregnant? Did she trick him? Did he leave her?' And if that story gets back to your child in the future it might sound like there was a dad at some point but he took off."

Another woman, who was halfway through her pregnancy, added: "I worried about how and what to tell everyone else. As time went on, I decided that I would be very open and honest about my journey. Not that I'd tell everyone every detail, but I would answer questions people had. I have looked at it as a way of 'normalizing' the whole situation and helping to pave the way for the all the women after us making this choice. And, I also didn't want anyone, including my child, to think that I was ashamed of what I was doing. When I started this, I had never met anyone else doing what I was doing. Neither have most of the people in my life. Now they can all say they know someone who's done this. It's not a foreign concept anymore. If a stranger ever asks me about the father, I probably would say something like, 'I'm doing it on my own' and let them figure out what that means. You have to do what feels right for you. But I think we should all be proud of ourselves -- about the strength we have to do this."

Another woman: "I've talked to numerous women about it because I'm excited and proud to be taking control of my life in this way. I might change my mind, but I think I'd be proud to say that I was a Choice Mom. For the most part, everyone I've told is very supportive of me. And those who aren't, well I just feel that we disagree and don't take it to heart too much (I think they're wrong). I think if someone asked me down the line, I might say 'I've always wanted to be a mother and I decided to make that happen because I wasn't meeting the right man and felt like I was running out of time. And I'm so happy I did it.' "

One particularly open woman said: "I'm two years away from even beginning to try, and I've already told everyone (with the exception of work colleagues) what I'm going to be doing. My take on the gossip question is totally the opposite of most people's. I told a few exceptionally gossipy members of my family on purpose, knowing they'd tell everyone for me so I wouldn't have to bother. This way everyone has a few years to slowly acclimate themselves to the idea in private without me having to make awkward formal announcements, or deal with people's initial judgmental knee-jerk reactions myself."

From my own personal standpoint, I too am a private person, but for this particular story I've obviously been quite open -- keeping a few details out of the public for the privacy of my kids, but otherwise being very straight-forward, as I want them to be, that this is simply the story of how our family came to be. I've rarely encountered judgment about it, and the ones that do are ultimately not people whose opinions then matter to me as I am not a fan of people who believe they have a right to impose their own values on someone else.

Now let's hear from you. If you're private, what are you sharing with others? How do you tell the story to your child? Is the method to motherhood you've chosen -- whether anonymous sperm, known donor, or adoption -- something you are afraid will be used in judgment against you or your child? Have you encountered judgment after disclosure? Or have you learned something about yourself, or the people around you, in the sharing of this journey?