Choice Mom E-guide: Finding Support

Visit our Eguides page for access to the FREE “2016 Choice Mom E-Guide: Finding Support.” What help will you need on the single mother by choice journey? Where will you find it? Insights shared by Choice Moms from our 2016 survey and therapists who support resources for this community.

Special thanks to long-time Choice Mom supporters Dr. Joann Paley Galst (NYC) and Dr. Deborah Simmons (Twin Cities) who were the first therapists to offer sponsorship support to help me take the time to create this e-guide.


SAMPLE INSIGHTS

“I wish I would have known about the potential for losses and what that would be like. I had six losses in two years. It was brutal… isolating. Going through that process alone was a challenge.”

“The infant stage was the most frightening at the beginning, but also the most short lived. Don’t get too overwhelmed with all the new baby stuff, get help if you need it (lactation, sleep) and enjoy it.”

“I wish I had come to this decision earlier. It is hard being an older mom in a sea of young moms and would have had the option of a second if I had started younger – feel like I wasted those years when I could have been a mom.”


Joann Paley Galst“If you are feeling emotionally and/or physically exhausted by treatment, can no longer tolerate the wait to become a parent, and feel you are missing out on years of your life, you may be at the fork in the road leading you to alternative family building options. Your response to the above issues, weighted in their order of importance to you, can help you make a decision. Many people grapple for a prolonged period of time in attempting to make the “right” choice for themselves, forgetting that we human beings have an amazing ability to make our choices “right” for us once we make them.” Dr. Joann Paley Galst


Deborah Simmons and Mikki Morrissette

Deborah and I at ASRM convention

Q: How do I get over feeling like my body has failed me on top of missing out on doing this with a partner? “This question brings with it feelings of sadness, loss, and shame. I know that you would not tell another woman that her body has failed her and that she has messed up in some way in not finding a partner. Why would you say it to yourself? You are a good woman who is grieving. The more compassion you can have for yourself the better you will heal and open yourself to parenting with joy and peace. If you are blaming yourself and cannot shake off shame or guilt, I strongly recommend that you seek out counseling with someone well-trained in infertility counseling.” — Dr. Deborah Simmons


 

finding-support-coverStep 1: Admitting the Tough Part

  • You Can’t Do It Alone
  • Voices From ChoiceMoms.org
  • After Parenthood

Step 2: Finding Support

  • When Networks Fail
  • Community Acceptance
  • Tips for Extending Your Network
  • Expert Insights
  • The Insight of Therapists
  • Recommended Service Providers

Step 3: Take Care of Yourself

  • #1 Choice Mom Myth
  • Commentaries From Mikki

Resources 

  • E-guides
  • Podcasts

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  4 comments for “Choice Mom E-guide: Finding Support

  1. Lori
    May 28, 2017 at 10:31 pm

    I am in my forties and my husband and I were planning to go through fertility treatments to have a family. Only… he vanished on me. After four months without a word from him, I am plotting my new life without him and still wishing to proceed with becoming a mom. But… I was planning to do this with my husband, not alone! So a whole new set of questions and concerns have developed. I’ve been asking my doctor’s office to connect me with a woman in a similar position as me so I can talk with her. They haven’t found anyone willing to. That makes me think a) there are no single women doing this which means I’m insane for considering it. b) Nobody is willing to speak to me because they haven’t had a positive experience. ??? How can I connect with woman who have gone through this sort of thing and feel free to ask my questions and know they’ll give honest answers?

    • May 29, 2017 at 7:17 am

      I’m sorry to hear about the stress you’re going through. On the ChoiceMoms.org website you’ll find a menu for discussion boards. If you join the main Choice Mom discussion board, and/or the one for women over 40, you’ll find women to connect with. And by reading the profile stories on the website, and other articles, you’ll certainly learn quickly about the tens of thousands of women who have taken this journey, and what we’ve learned from each other, experts and our own personal experiences. — Mikki

      • Lori
        May 29, 2017 at 9:55 am

        Thanks, Mikki. I will try again today. Yesterday when I tried I didn’t see a single discussion board. I started thinking this was a new site that wasn’t finished or an old one that isn’t being used anymore. ?? Maybe I needed to be ‘approved’ before they appeared. I don’t know. In any case, I’m hoping to find a meet up type of group so I can meet face to face with some women like me. Thank you.
        Lori

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