Dating as a single mom — and finding love

Women have asked to hear the stories of Choice Moms who are dating as a single mom — and have found lasting relationships. I know several of them. Here is one of them, from Megan.

“I had my son in 2007 with a partner. After we broke up, I knew that I wanted more kids, so I dated for a few years but never found Mr. Right.

In 2010, I decided to use a sperm donor. I set everything up, attended all of my appointments, and ordered my sperm. Two weeks before my insemination, I met my future partner. It was far too early in the relationship for me to put any real weight to it, so I went ahead with the insemination and got pregnant.

I was four months pregnant before I told him what I had done and that I was expecting. He was amazingly understanding about it, and we continued dating throughout my pregnancy. My daughter was born in June 2011.

When she was a month old, he asked us to move in with him. It is now November 2012, and we are expecting a baby of our own.

It hasn’t been without challenges. I have one child with an ex-partner, and one child with a sperm donor, and now we are having one of our own, which can complicate things! But he is wonderful and supportive and he loves the kids like they are his own, so that helps a lot. Luckily, this is the age of information, so any time I’m feeling confused on how to deal with something, I hit the internet for words of wisdom from people in similar situations!

My son struggled with me having a relationship at first, but my partner was never pushy and always “hung back” when we were together, until my son invited him to join in the playing. He was very good about being patient and waiting until my son was ready for him to participate. He never forced his way in. I think that level of control helped my son adjust very well. Now they are best buddies.

My partner had never been married or had kids of his own, but is from a very large family and always knew he wanted to settle down with a family of his own.

With my son (because he has a father involved in his life) it was harder to negotiate, because there are so many adults who want to have a say. For us, what works is having my son’s father and I do all of the major parenting decisions (I get my partner’s input, but it is ultimately up to us).

With my donor-conceived daughter, my partner considers himself to be her father and he gets 50% of the say parenting-wise. I strongly believe that if I truly want him to be her father, I need to act as if he is, and that means his opinion on parenting approaches is just as valuable as mine.

It is hard to give up control, but I think it is the only way to make it work and have him feel that she is truly his daughter. And I think as she gets older it will make her feel as if he is more of a “dad” than a step-dad.”

We met through a mutual friend at a birthday party I went to shortly before I was inseminated. I don’t normally “go out” much, but I think it was meant to be. If I had taken my son with me, I would likely not have been open to meeting anyone because I would have been in “mom mode.” But my son wasn’t feeling well, and was very cranky, so I left him with my parents for a few hours to sleep it off.

Because I wasn’t in Mom Mode, I guess my subconscious was open to meeting someone and that’s when my partner showed up!”

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