The 10-Step Plan for Donor Conception

Q: I am looking into having a child with donor insemination, but I am not sure where to begin, and what to expect about cost. What should I know?

There is no particular formula about how much it will cost, how long it will take, and what treatment will work to help us conceive. Each one of us has individual circumstances, fertility factors,financial limitations, levels of determination, and ability to deal with the risks, emotions, scheduling and waiting game involved with attempting to conceive.

In general, one unmedicated, unmonitored cycle of IUI will cost about $500, depending on the cost of your doctor and your vial of sperm. One cycle of IVF will cost about $6,000. Insurance tends not to cover the expense unless fertility issues have been identified, and almost never covers the cost of the sperm. With that in mind:

1) Check out insurance coverage options. What are the prerequisites? Do you need to be married in order to be covered? Do you need to have attempted to conceive for six months or a year before coverage can begin? Does your clinic offer special payment options?

2) Find local women to recommend a doctor in your area. If you are younger than 35, you could start with your ob/gyn. Since you're investing in sperm, it's generally recommended to test your FSH and estradiol levels. If you are over 35, it is advisable to consult with a fertility specialist, to give yourself time to identify and treat potential issues. Note that many Reproductive Endocrinologists have long waiting lists.

3) Educate yourself with this ChoiceMoms.org website and other resources ("Choice Mom Guide to Fertility" lists resources as well) about treatment and medication options, sperm bank policies, success rates, donor availability (there are roughly 1,500 donors available in the U.S. any given month), and the potential differences to your child of an open-identity, known or anonymous donor.

4) Start charting your ovulation (see article on this website and the fertility guide).

5) Choose a sperm bank (see article on this website and fertility guide).

6) Choose a donor (see article on this website and fertility guide).

7) Based on your own fertility and financial factors, as discussed with your doctor, make decisions about whether to use medications to enhance your fertility, and whether to use IUI, IVF or at-home ICI. Do you want one or two inseminations per cycle? What is your tolerance for twins? Make a plan that includes how many months you will try a technique before changing variables (treatment, medication, donor).

8) Create a stress-reduction plan (see article on this website and fertility guide).

9) Consider deeply whether having a non-biological child is an option, including the possible use of an egg donor. (Consider: Choice Mom Guide to Adoption.)

10) Share your journey with other single women online. (Such as the Choice Mom discussion group.)