Letting go of the childhood dream

For roughly half of the women who consider this choice, building a family without a partner is not the first choice. Many women say they are single mothers by default, not by choice. And often the most difficult part of the process is deciding whether it is time to take this step without a partner:

• Have I waited long enough? What if my partner is right around the corner?
  
• If I become a mom, does it mean I'll never find the right man/woman to share my life?
  
• I have a partner who doesn't want kids, or keeps postponing the decision. Should I leave the relationship?

These are all very valid issues that every individual needs to answer for herself. To find support in this difficult place, we recommend joining the Choice Mom discussion group (free, largely education-oriented), the Single Mothers by Choice network (annual fee, largely local support group-based), and/or a mental health counselor in your area who helps women grapple with these decisions. (We welcome recommendations.)

Subscribe to the RSS feed of the Thinking blog on this website, which will automatically alert you to new entries. Feel free to contribute your own entry or respond to someone else.

For a provocative essay from Choice Mom Lori Gottlieb, for Atlantic Monthly in March 2008, check the right menu for her perspective on why settling for Mr. Good Enough might actually be a valid choice as well.

Mikki's Huffington Post entries on the topic:

• The Mr. Good Enough debate
  
• Why younger women seem to be less interested in marriage.
  
  You might also read chapter 3 of Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide. It includes the journeys of several women who debated whether to continue pursuing the right relationship, or to start a family before she got "too old." Each of them chose different paths, and were happy with the different journeys each of them took.
  
  The central message of the chapter is: "Life reveals itself in ways you cannot control or predict, so allow yourself to mourn that plans are not going according to schedule, but don't let it stop you from moving. Life has surprises in store for you if you just keep walking."