What to know about the open adoption option

The moderator of the Choice Moms website is a proponent of open adoption, while allowing for the fact that it is not always an easy decision for someone to make.

As one woman on the Choice Mom discussion group posted: "I have been thinking about adoption, mostly international because I think domestic would take too long, be too expensive and I have heard sad stories from married couples who have had mothers change their minds at the last minute, so I imagine that my being single would be a big problem for most people. But I'm also worried about adopted children having emotional issues when they get older."

In the Choice Moms Guide to Adoption we answer these concerns with honest information from Choice Moms and adoption experts. The book includes:

• the stories of two grown men about their closed adoptions.
• the essay of a Choice Mom who maintains a website about the open adoptions she has for her two children
• a history of why adoption has moved toward open relationships with birth parents, from facilitator Ellen Roseman
• the honest ups and downs of an open adoption, from specialist and mediator Beth Miller
• essays from a birth parent, the adoptive parent, and the grown son in one open adoption story, as reprinted from Micky Duxbury's book "Making Room In Our Hearts: Keeping Family Ties Through Open Adoption" (Routledge 2006).

The book also includes this excerpt from "Choosing Single Motherhood: The Thinking Woman's Guide": Most people reject open adoption as potentially too painful if something 'goes wrong.' Shelly's passion about the importance of open adoption is what led so many families to consider her for their child. Her motto is: "All there is in the world is love and fear; make sure you're on the right side of it." She strongly believes that the more community attachments a child has, the better. She brings out a scrapbook of family photos that the birth father's family of her son compiled for him, including a wonderfully touching letter that ends: "We thank God for your mother Shelly, just knowing that you are with a loving family. I'm just writing to tell you that I do love you. Love, your birth father."

"How can it be bad for him to know that his birth father loves him and wants to remain in contact with him?" Shelly says.

And it includes these points from Adoptive Families magazine:

Myth: Birth parents can show up at any time to reclaim their child. Reality: once an adoption is finalized, the adoptive family is recognized as the child's family by law.

Myth: birth parents are all troubled teens. Reality: This is certainly true in some cases, but most birth parents today are over 18 and simply lack the resources to care for a child. It is generally with courage and love for their child that they terminate their parental rights.

Myth: Open adoption causes problems for children. Reality: many adoptees do not grow up confused by contact with their birth parents. They recognize the difference between birth family who give them life, and forever families who protect and nurture them.