10 Steps to Prepare for a Baby

compiled by Mari Gallion
author of The Single Woman's Guide to a Happy Pregnancy


Not all single women have had months or years to plan for motherhood. Some -- as has been the case for centuries -- get pregnant by accident. When that happens today, many single women now feel freer to opt not to marry the man.

If you decide to embrace motherhood without a partner, in addition to the emotional ways you'll need to prepare yourself, there are some very practical things you can do in order to get ready. The following tips will assure that your next few months of preparation will be spent wisely (and are useful even if you have been thinking about motherhood for years).

1. Assess (and possibly change) your place of residence
Despite our culture's prevailing notion that a child needs his own room, a one-bedroom apartment or condo is a fine place to reside with a child up to about three years of age: The bedroom can be the designated sleeping place for both mother and child, and the living area can be where the activities take place. A single mother can maximize the efficiency of this arrangement by investing in a futon or a sofa big enough to sleep on. The futon or sofa provides an alternate sleeping area in the home, especially if you expect guests (like your mother) to help in the early days of new parenthood.

An efficiency or studio apartment will likely not provide enough compartmentalized space to live comfortably, so if you live in a one-room home, it might be time to move. Moving is such an overwhelming and exhausting task that you will not want to do it soon after the baby is born. Take a critical look at your current situation and make the necessary adjustments as soon as possible.

2. Pare down your possessions
Make an assessment of all your material possessions. Keep and organize what you need, what has value, and what you truly want. Get rid of everything you don't need as soon as you realize you don't need it. Clutter and chaos will soon be your worst enemies.
If the things that are taking up too much room in your house (or in your life) are valuable, try to get money for them through a garage sale, consignment stores, vintage clothing stores, used CD stores, used book stores, or E-bay. You may consider donating many unwanted items, but if you do, save your receipts to write your donations off your taxes.

3. Find a midwife or Ob-gyn
Whether you're a holistic Earth Mother or as Western as they come, you'll want to find the right medical professional to see you through this exciting and potentially challenging time. It is also imperative that you listen to your own heart and mind about this decision, as others will no doubt have a strong opinion on what kind of medical care you choose. For example, maybe you are sold on having a midwife rather than an Ob-gyn, but your mother is afraid for your safety because of complications she experienced in her own labor and delivery. One solution is to find an experienced midwife who is qualified and willing to work in cooperation with a doctor, and who is licensed to remain at your side in the event that you need medical intervention.

If you prefer Western medicine but after doing homework you become wary of certain vaccines, medicines, and procedures, find a doctor who allows you to make the decisions about what is or isn't necessary.

4. Make your financial medical plan
If you have insurance that will pay for practically everything, then you're a lucky lady. If your income and savings are extremely low, your labor and delivery costs will probably be covered by Medicaid (call your local Medicaid office to see if you qualify). As for the rest of you, coming up with sufficient funds to have your baby might be harder.

Some states have special programs for uninsured mid-to-low income women who don't qualify for Medicaid. If you fall into this category and don't know of any such program in your area, call hospitals, social service offices, the WIC office, etc, and ask if they know of any way to help you. Be prepared to be making phone calls through your lunch hour for two or three days in order to track down the right information. Take advantage of and combine any and all assistance that you qualify for.

If you conclude that there is no help for you, you might want to try to negotiate a labor and delivery "package deal" with your hospital. Hospitals normally charge insurance companies (as opposed to individuals) for labor and delivery costs, which is how they justify charging $40 for a box of sanitary pads that will cost you $4 at the market (be sure to point this out).

Do not give up. Single mothers are entitled to speak up for themselves. Consider this potentially unpleasant project part of your boot camp.

5. Find out where the babysitters are
Child care facilities vary widely in quality, ambiance, and price. As one who is choosing to provide her child with the best life possible, your standards will be high, and the best places are often full.

Although you may be newly pregnant, start taking tours of the facilities and meet home-care sitters right away. Sometimes the facilities anticipate openings at the perfect time for your needs and your child's enrollment can be secured with a deposit. Although putting down a deposit might seem premature, if a place feels absolutely right to you, secure it right away. Also save phone numbers, names, and information about other acceptable facilities in case circumstances change.

6. Research the locations of amenities and conveniences
As a single mother, I've found that the best way to cheat Murphy's Law is to stay one step ahead of anything old Murphy can dream up to throw me off balance. No matter what happens, you'll be glad to know the nearest locations of an all-night market that stocks formula and diapers, and a hospital or all-night minor emergency clinic.

7. Make your announcement
Some people prefer keeping their pregnancy a secret for the first 15 weeks, but I have found that early pregnancy announcements can sometimes be lucrative. After all, when I hear that a friend or family member is pregnant, I am often tempted to get them a congratulatory token right away, and then get them yet another gift at the time of their baby shower. Announcing your pregnancy early can also spare you from having to make up excuses for why you can't join friends for a glass of wine or why you are suddenly gagging at the thought of your former favorite foods.

8. Complete vehicle and appliance maintenance
If you've been putting off changing that squeaky fan belt in your car, or have been standing at the ready with a towel to mop up the leaks every time you run your dishwasher, it is time to get those things fixed. Although you will get used to it, the first six weeks of parenthood are going to blow your mind. The exhaustion and hunger that normally plague a new mother can be compounded by the physical, logistical, and financial inconvenience of fixing cars and appliances while trying to manage life with a new baby. Don't set the stage for your own emotional meltdown. Although spending money on spare tires, brake pads, and garbage disposals is far less exciting than spending money on baby gear, having these details taken care of will make your life much easier.

9. Start hitting your gear list
You will encounter several lists throughout your pregnancy that tell you what you "have to have," but after my own personal experience with wanting to give my baby boy everything that he needs, I realized that these lists were often compiled by people who had ample space, money, and time to assemble and/ or return unwanted items. They also were meant for someone with another pair of hands to help assemble and load, tended to have minimal concern for the environment, and were for those who prefer to turn their children's messy diapers into big, white sausage links rather than knotting them up in plastic grocery bags and throwing them in the trash. Although you will want (and will end up with) far more than is on this list, the following is a list of the absolute bare bones of what you will need:

• Portable Playpen (much more versatile than a crib; if you only have one or the other, get the playpen)
  
• Car seat
  
• Digital thermometer
  
• Nasal aspirator (you'll get one for free at a hospital, but they only cost about one dollar)
  
• Six receiving blankets
  
• Six onesies (one-piece underwear that snaps at the crotch)
  
• Bottles and Organic Formula (even if you plan to breastfeed, have some formula for emergencies)
  
• Cloth diapers & diaper pins (even if you use disposable, have some for times that you unexpectedly run out, and to keep on your shoulder for spit-up accidents)
  
• Waterproof pads (to place under the baby during naps -- this will save your mattress if your baby sleeps in your bed, and will help retain the resale value of your baby's mattress too).
  
• Portable changing pad
  
• Bag for transporting soiled clothes (can be as simple as a large Ziploc)
  
• Baby monitor (absolutely necessary for busy single mothers)
  
• Stroller (whichever type best meets your needs)
  
• Clothes (the specifics you need will depend on your climate, but you should be well-enough off with seven complete outfits).
  
• Two very important books: a) Consumer Reports makes a guide to baby products, which is extremely important for anyone who plans to do any second-hand shopping. Always get the latest edition, as the material changes with the times; b) You need a book about caring for an infant and small child. May be obtained for free from your selected pediatrician.

10. Cherish the silence
Even if your infant turns out to be "easier" than other babies, infants by nature are extremely high-maintenance. Getting absorbed in a book, a TV show, a crafts project, or any organizing project can be difficult, if not impossible, when you have an infant. Take this time while you're pregnant to do all those things that require solitude or concentration. Meditate, read, shop, organize, travel, and enjoy your exclusive company for the last time.