Welcome to women using a known donor

submitted by Lori
Will you ever have to prove your donor child doesn’t have a father? When I gave birth to my daughter via anonymous donor IUI in 1999, I hoped that the information regarding her father would be left blank on her birth certificate.

This is a continuation of Lori's story, who realized that someday her donor-conceived child might need to qualify for federal student loans. Since the paperwork requires income records for both parents, and since there are plenty of other occasions in her state of Alabama where having a blank or "none" on the birth certificate might not work with government employees, she wanted to be proactive. She was surprised to learn recently what she really needed it for.

Thanks to Choice Moms sponsor Sepal Reproductive Devices, which offers products and insight for women using home insemination, for these guidelines on working with a known donor.

This woman shared her story on the Choice Moms discussion board, and I thought it was a great reminder to women using a known donor: Make sure you talk about sperm testing before spending too much time trying to conceive.

Before Jessica had her baby girl in May, she had a long journey of thinking, and negotiating with a known donor. Here's her story in audio form.

When your uncle is also the sperm donor who helped your lesbian parents conceive, you might presume "the" conversation about your origins would be a hard one. And what happens afterward?

If you are using a known donor, you need to protect yourself emotionally as well as physically. Here are some tips:

Choice Mom adviser Ami Jaeger (Santa Fe) generously offers this advice and more, as available in the Choice Mom Guide to Fertility:

If you decide to conceive with the assistance of a known donor, there are several critical legal steps that you should complete with him to clarify your expectations and intentions. It is important to take these steps to protect your legal relationship with the child.

Three important documents have been supplied by Choice Moms.
1. Jessica created a list of comprehensive questions to discuss with her known donor candidates to help put expectations into contract form.
2. Fiona is a Canadian family attorney, who offered a sample agreement to use as a template for a known donor contract.
3. A co-parenting agreement has also been offered as a sample.

A growing number of independent websites and discussion groups have formed that connect donors directly with people who are in search of sperm. There obviously are no safeguards with this kind of contact. Many of the donors indicate they are giving altruistically, motivated only to help people create families.

There are many things to talk about with a known donor candidate. This Choice Chat podcast covers many of the issues with two unique experts.

submitted by Kenzie
Even before I made the choice to conceive with a known donor, I knew that however I conceived I would be doing it myself with as little medical intervention as possible. After all, it's my body, my fertility, and in the end I'm creating my family. It feels very important to me to take responsibility for and to understand the process, as well as the result.