A woman with two young children wrote to say that a half-sibling of her kids was traveling to the U.S. from another country and wanted to meet, since the children shared the same sperm donor. The mother didn’t feel prepared to talk to her kids about how they were connected, yet didn’t want to miss the opportunity to meet.
Here’s the advice I offered:
- I recommended that she visit Donor Sibling Registry, for insight.
- Listen to the Choice Chat podcast interviews I’ve done about donor conception. You can find the podcasts listed here. You’ll find interviews with Ryan Kramer, a donor-conceived adult; with an anonymous donor who has met offspring; with Ken Daniels about his research into donor-conceived families; and one of the most popular shows with researcher Joanna Scheib at The Sperm Bank of California about what donor-conceived offspring tend to want to know.
- The “Choice Moms Answer the Tough Questions: Do I Have a Dad?” CD compilation includes excellent insight from experts about talking about donors as well as daddies with our kids.
- I always recommend Donor Conception Network for their Telling and Talking series.
- You’ll find the ChoiceMoms.org “Resources” keyword includes recommending reading with our kids (including Choice Mom written and illustrated storybook “I Felt You Flutter”, as well as book options about donor conception.
- Finally, see this blog post about how my kids and I have created a ritual around the old family tree assignment, which is just another way of talking about our important community connections — biological and non.
Even though it might not seem like it now, having meaningful conversations with our kids over time about what makes a family and who is important to us are great bonding experience. The earliest conversations won’t seem like it, but are laying the groundwork for the deeper conversations to come.
This is just the beginning of lifelong exploration of how we consciously build connections, or not, with the people around us.