Welcome to the Waiting Room

After a single dad wrote in who was feeling isolated with his young child, ChoiceMom.org readers chimed in with their own insights. One of the comments was about something we've talked about here before -- your support network often won't be what you expect it will be -- and is worthy of new discussion here.

submitted by Lori
Will you ever have to prove your donor child doesn’t have a father? When I gave birth to my daughter via anonymous donor IUI in 1999, I hoped that the information regarding her father would be left blank on her birth certificate.

Thanks to Jessica for suggesting this Dixie Chicks song for anyone in the Choice Mom community looking for inspirational music about becoming a single mother.

There are many things I like about Stacey MacGlashen's Choice Mom memoir "Just you and me, kid." One of them is the wonderful, honest detail she offers about the delivery process.

"Even the most independent or progressive among us didn't play house without at least going through the motions of assigning someone the dad role...Our childhood fairy tale fantasies involved Prince Charming and happily ever after, not donor number 5931...and a brief encounter with a syringe."

It's hard for self-sufficient women to ask for help -- or even acknowledge to ourselves that we need it. But we do. Even more than we care to admit, because we tend to be so hard on ourselves. This month I'm thinking about the kinds of support Choice Moms need, and how we can get and give it as a community.

We recently read about Diana's decision NOT to become a Choice Mom. Here is Part 2 of her story, when she decides to move into the Trying stage after all.

While in London I had the pleasure of meeting a woman at the Choice Mom gathering who told me about how she had decided some time ago that she definitely would not become a single mom -- partly after reading my "Choosing Single Motherhood" book. 18 months later, however, she's back on the path. I asked her to share her story about the thinking process.

Thanks to the generosity of Choice Mom Emily, I've been able to spend a wonderful 10-day holiday in London with my kids and parents. While here I met in Coram's Field with 14 women, including Moms, Thinkers and Tryers from Belfast, Dublin, Belgium and many others in the United Kingdom. I also met with a large group of Ph.D. students in Cambridge, who were interested in the Choice Mom story.

At the Choice Moms networking event in D.C., Birthing Hands doula Claudia Booker offered many great tips for women about how to build a support network. She reiterated the importance of preparing for this well before the baby arrives. Some of her suggestions:

Of the hundreds of stories I've heard from Choice Moms over the years, one of the most common threads I've heard in hindsight is "I wish I hadn't waited so long."

A woman on the Alternatives to Marriage Project Facebook page wrote that she was denied coverage for fertility treatments because she isn't married. She's on the Choice Mom path. Let's weigh in on which insurance companies do a better job of coverage.

I recently discovered the book "DailyOM: Inspirational Thoughts for a Happy, Healthy and Fulfilling Day," while working at the Unitarian Universalist Association's bookstore during its recent annual convention.

Choice Mom Deb suggested this fun idea, in the vein of Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck If..." We're now creating our own list for "You Know You Might Be a Choice Mom If..." She got us started.

One of the best gifts of Choice Mom networking events is when small groups of women on similar paths find each other to discuss their joys and concerns. Here's what women in the Trying stage talked about with counselor Krista Post.

It is important for a sleep-deprived mother to know where things are. Because when you and baby are struggling to keep nights and days straight, the last thing you need is to find out at midnight that you are out of baby Tylenol or wipes. And keeping the diaper bag packed with everything you need for three hours of errands is easier when you haven't just spent half hour looking for your keys.

This collection of journal entries during the 2ww process was submitted by Jenn.
Day 1
This is the first day of my third 2ww. My first two IVF cycles failed. The first one was with my then husband, and I was so stressed out. I got OHSS. It was the summer of 2006. I got upset at him for every little thing, some things littler than others, and the schedule was difficult because we needed to move 1000 miles away between the retrieval and the transfer.

At the San Francisco event, organizational specialist Kim Guay of A Clear Vision Organizing offered these tips for getting ready for parenthood.

We all want to live healthier lives, especially when we are getting nutritionally in shape for pregnancy, or after we become moms. At the Minnesota event in April 2010, I had the pleasure of working with sponsor Laura Bonicelli, whose Solo by Bonicelli company offers gourmet delivery and food prep services.

I recently discovered a great book by Kara Stefan titled "Head of Household: Money Management for Single Parents." It covers budgeting, childcare, credit, healthcare, housing, insurance and more.

At the recent San Francisco event -- as was the case in Austin and Atlanta -- women spoke to me individually, or with the group, about the intense emotions they felt in not being able to yet BECOME Choice Moms.

When we are trying to conceive, or keep up with our children, we often take a closer look at how to improve our health and vitality. Here are tips from Natural Health and Fertility Center, as offered at the first-ever Choice Moms Expo in Minneapolis.

There are several great options for creating your own storybooks for your adopted or donor conceived child. Here are some of them.

I know many Choice Moms (myself included) who are slowly attempting to bring more organic into our lives now that we are moms. To that end, I'd like to use this space for a new category on ChoiceMoms.org: organic living. (Keyword: organic)

Thanks to Choice Mom-in-the-making Soni for bringing this wonderfully humorous music video to my attention for all the pregnant women.

This is a wonderful list of resources from Nurse Practitioners for any woman who is trying to conceive, from keeping track of period dates to taking an "Am I Pregnant?" quiz...to baby name sites...to prenatal care info...

After a Choice Mom died in her third trimester, leaving a son born posthumously, we became more aware of the importance of having an estate plan in place -- as this Choice Mom had done -- even BEFORE we conceive or adopt.

A majority of families using donor conception do not report births after the fact. This has a tremendous impact on the industry. The numbers of offspring born to a sperm donor, and even to egg donors, are generally vastly under-reported. If there is a genetic abnormality that surfaces in later years, families cannot be notified.

Here is good reading material to keep you company as you journey through the Trying and Waiting stages of Choice Motherhood:

The Pea in the Podcast is one of the best I've seen for women in the waiting-to-deliver room.

While you're waiting to deliver, listen to this 13-minute interview with Dr. Charles Sims about the benefits of cord blood banking.

One typical question asked on the Choice Mom discussion board is, what do I need to have on hand for my newborn? The responses have been numerous over time, so there are two compilations on this website about product recommendations from the Choice Mom community. This page is actual brand suggestions of certain products and tips that were recommended by Choice Moms. Below are the responses many Choice Moms have made about what was essential, and what was not, for their newborn.

After 5 failed IUIs, before conceiving and giving birth to her son, Barb offered this advice to fellow Choice Moms in the book "Choice Mom Guide to Fertility":

These methods have helped us get through the agonizing two week wait process:

It's hard to find baby books that don't have the obligatory "how I met your dad" and two-sided family tree chart to fill in. But there are options. Here are some of them.