Welcome to the Waiting Room

Michelle is a Choice Mom and midwife I personally know who has delivered many Choice Kids into the world -- in one case, she delivered two Choice Kids within 24 hours. In a recent discussion board topic, a newly pregnant woman asked for information about the role of a midwife -- and how to find one. Here is what Michelle says.

Women in the Thinking, Trying and Waiting stages frequently turn to the Choice Mom community discussion boards to find out how to tell others about making this choice. In our new 20-page e-guide ($1.95), you'll find a smorgasbord of advice and stories about the approaches Choice Moms have taken.

New discussion on our Choice Moms Over 40 board... a newly pregnant (yeah!) 41-year-old has been warned by her doctor of the increased risk at her age of issues such as Down's syndrome. She's wondering which of the many tests she should consider.

Calling women in Las Vegas, Arizona, San Diego or San Francisco: Casting agent looking for women who are proud about beginning their Choice Mom journey.

Choice Motherhood is becoming a "Plan A" idea for more women across the country. I talked with a producer who is interested in doing what we talk about at our networking events: promoting the pride and amazing strength of the women in the Choice Mom community.

A woman on the Choice Moms Over 40 yahoo group posted this weekend after learning from her doctor that the heartbeat of her 8-week baby in utero was gone.

This week I heard from four media outlets on stories they are pursuing about Choice Motherhood. One was this TV show idea.

I turned 50 on Monday, after a great weekend of community connecting. New and old friends (ranging in age from 23 to 73) came to my house Saturday for a music jam and conversation that was truly heart-warming and fun.

After waiting over a year for my adoption to finalize, I’ve accepted that I will never become a mother
through my current adoption program. I’ve learned a lot hard lessons along the way. The only
redeeming feature of my journey? The chance to tell others how to avoid a similar fate. If you are
considering adoption, here is what I've learned:

This funny compilation was started on the Choice Mom discussion group, where women have been periodically posting their own moments.

On our yahoo discussion group for Choice Moms on the journey after the age of 40, a woman asked for stories of hope from others who had paid that kind of money, at that age, and found success.

This profile submitted by a woman who started with IUI at age 37, and spent three years trying to conceive -- including five IVF cycles with her own eggs, and three IVF cycles with donor eggs, and a miscarriage. Her twin boys were born in March 2011.

Long-time midwife, and Choice Mom, Michelle Brechon can be found through this website.

Any of you who have been following Choice Mom resources over the years is likely acquainted with Cathi. She found the humor in the stress of trying to self-inseminate, in learning about her own fertility, in being pregnant, in being the mom of a newborn, and now in being simply, joyfully, Mom. Here is her story in a nutshell.

"Women trying to conceive often forget the importance of taking care of themselves," said Dr. Lee Kao, of San Francisco-based Laurel Fertility Care. "We often see patients who are so focused on caring for everything else that they actually decrease their success by not focusing on themselves first."

As we continue our look this month into alternatives to IUIs for women, I wanted to share this story of a Choice Mom I know who is meeting her third daughter today in China.

As we develop more (largely FREE!) e-books and other special guides for the Choice Mom community, I thought this would be a good place to list everything so far available. This list will grow, so keep checking back.

A woman on the discussion board wondered what to pack for delivery at the hospital. Here's what Lily recommended:

I'm very happy to report that 30 Welcome Kits went out to new Choice Moms last week. This is a special new perk to the Choice Mom community, which includes...

I started thinking about becoming a Choice Mom three years ago, when I was 34.

Writes Valerie: "I've been at a bus stop for a month now.

This list was offered by Carrie Crompton at Cultural Care Au Pair, who is offering a great $500 discount to the Choice Mom community.

I submitted my application to adopt a child from Russia on or about December 29, 2004. I spent much of the next year engaged in the paper chase, trying to get documents signed, notarized, and submitted before the Russian government could changes the rules.

I've been reminded in the last week just how fragile life is. A Choice Mom friend unexpectedly lost her younger sister last week -- a mother of three -- in a tragic accident. And a neighbor couple are BOTH battling cancer, one of them terminal, with 7- and 9-year old daughters at home.

I love getting "thank you" emails from women on the journey. I recently heard from Linda, who allowed me to share her story here.

I've been hearing from more Choice Moms of twins lately, and it reminds me that we need to offer more on this website for single moms with multiples.

How do you deal with your jealousy about other pregnancies and families...or judgment from others about your own? This podcast will help.

Pre-eclampsia leads to high blood pressure and swelling during pregnancy. I had a friend who suffered from it, and it wasn't pretty. Pregnancy nutrition is an important part of avoiding it.

We hear so much about the agonizing two week-wait process for women trying to conceive. But what about the agonizing wait to hear whether you've successfully passed all the steps involved in an adoption?

Many Choice Moms make a firmer commitment to organic living after they become moms. If you want to start by using cloth diapers, here are tips from an expert.

So many of us "wait" to have that first baby until we have a certain amount of money in savings or until school loans are paid off or until we have a bigger house. Whatever the reason, most often those are superficial reasons and if we "wait" for these things to happen, that baby doesn’t come!

My favorite connection to see at Choice Mom networking events is when our experienced moms can reassure the pregnant and newborn moms that "everything is going to be all right." I started collecting tips on how to deal with the logistics of newborn days after three women in my local area had babies within a week.

A woman on the discussion board reported that she'd found a doula she loves...but the doula has some specific requests she's not comfortable with. She asked women in the community for their input.

Now that I’m getting really close to D-Day (supposedly less than six weeks, which is just totally unimaginable after a lifetime of waiting), I am finding myself more and more irritable rather than excited. I’ve heard that there are women out there who just love being pregnant, that they glow and bond and gain three pounds and have amazing hair. I am not one of those women.

When you are preparing to deliver a child on your own, finding the right pre- and post-partum doula can be vital to a Choice Mom. Listen to this podcast about finding the right one for you. Read more about doulas on this website. And recommend yours here in the comments field.

The topic of using estate plan templates -- kits with fill-in-the-blank options about guardianship and will issues -- came up among a group of single mothers by choice recently. A Choice Mom and attorney in the group offered her insight.

I am talking to sponsors about adding to our Choice Chat podcast library in 2013, and perhaps adding a webinar series. We currently have more than 42,000 downloads of 46 shows. Here's what's available.

A woman on the Choice Mom discussion board admitted that now that she had finally been able to conceive she was filled with worry about having a healthy pregnancy. This is not an uncommon reaction. I asked Joann Galst, a long-time adviser to the Choice Mom community and a New York City-based therapist, to respond.

The "support" keyword on ChoiceMoms.org is, I think, the most important and valuable information any parent needs. Now we've compiled the website's best information from Choice Moms and experts in this easily downloadable 17-page PDF, "Choice Mom E-guide to Relieving Stress and Building Support."

When I lived in my one bedroom floor-through apartment in New York City with my young daughter, I did start to feel overrun in that first year by the THINGS she needed. I was frugal, but still had the diaper pail, stroller, Baby Bjorn, exersaucer, 3-in-1 travel crib (used everyday), and a growing collection of plastic chewy items. So it was no surprise when the organizing experts at the New York City Choice Mom event drew a crowd.

This excellent Choice Mom-in-the-making blog and post came to my attention when the author, Shannon, posted it on the discussion board. Anyone in the trying-to-conceive stage should read it.

Thanks to Jessica for suggesting this Dixie Chicks song for anyone in the Choice Mom community looking for inspirational music about becoming a single mother.

There are many things I like about Stacey MacGlashan's Choice Mom memoir "Just you and me, kid." One of them is the wonderful, honest detail she offers about the delivery process.

"Even the most independent or progressive among us didn't play house without at least going through the motions of assigning someone the dad role...Our childhood fairy tale fantasies involved Prince Charming and happily ever after, not donor number 5931...and a brief encounter with a syringe."

It's hard for self-sufficient women to ask for help -- or even acknowledge to ourselves that we need it. But we do. Even more than we care to admit, because we tend to be so hard on ourselves. This month I'm thinking about the kinds of support Choice Moms need, and how we can get and give it as a community.

At the Choice Moms networking event in D.C., Birthing Hands doula Claudia Booker offered many great tips for women about how to build a support network. She reiterated the importance of preparing for this well before the baby arrives. Some of her suggestions:

It is important for a sleep-deprived mother to know where things are. Because when you and baby are struggling to keep nights and days straight, the last thing you need is to find out at midnight that you are out of baby Tylenol or wipes. And keeping the diaper bag packed with everything you need for three hours of errands is easier when you haven't just spent half hour looking for your keys.

This collection of journal entries during the 2ww process was submitted by Jenn.
Day 1
This is the first day of my third 2ww. My first two IVF cycles failed. The first one was with my then husband, and I was so stressed out. I got OHSS. It was the summer of 2006. I got upset at him for every little thing, some things littler than others, and the schedule was difficult because we needed to move 1000 miles away between the retrieval and the transfer.

At the San Francisco event, organizational specialist Kim Guay of A Clear Vision Organizing offered these tips for getting ready for parenthood.

I recently discovered a great book by Kara Stefan titled "Head of Household: Money Management for Single Parents." It covers budgeting, childcare, credit, healthcare, housing, insurance and more.

At the recent San Francisco event -- as was the case in Austin and Atlanta -- women spoke to me individually, or with the group, about the intense emotions they felt in not being able to yet BECOME Choice Moms.

A woman wrote to say that her friends were sharing the news of her Choice pregnancy with others, including the fact that she conceived with an anonymous sperm donor, even though she asked them not to. She turned to the community to get advice.

Thanks to Choice Mom-in-the-making Soni for bringing this wonderfully humorous music video to my attention for all the pregnant women.

This is a wonderful list of resources from Nurse Practitioners for any woman who is trying to conceive, from keeping track of period dates to taking an "Am I Pregnant?" quiz...to baby name sites...to prenatal care info...

After a Choice Mom died in her third trimester, leaving a son born posthumously, we became more aware of the importance of having an estate plan in place -- as this Choice Mom had done -- even BEFORE we conceive or adopt.

A majority of families using donor conception do not report births after the fact. This has a tremendous impact on the industry. The numbers of offspring born to a sperm donor, and even to egg donors, are generally vastly under-reported. If there is a genetic abnormality that surfaces in later years, families cannot be notified.

Karen offered this up on the discussion board. "After my 3-year-old god-daughter ran around the sushi bar last night repeating "sperm" and NOT using her indoor voice, I came up with these code phrases to talk about donor insemination:

Here is good reading material to keep you company as you journey through the Trying and Waiting stages of Choice Motherhood:

The Pea in the Podcast is one of the best I've seen for women in the waiting-to-deliver room.

While you're waiting to deliver, listen to this 13-minute interview with Dr. Charles Sims about the benefits of cord blood banking.

One typical question asked on the Choice Mom discussion board is, what do I need to have on hand for my newborn? The responses have been numerous over time, so there are two compilations on this website about product recommendations from the Choice Mom community. This page is actual brand suggestions of certain products and tips that were recommended by Choice Moms. Below are the responses many Choice Moms have made about what was essential, and what was not, for their newborn.

After 5 failed IUIs, before conceiving and giving birth to her son, Barb offered this advice to fellow Choice Moms in the book "Choice Mom Guide to Fertility":

These methods have helped us get through the agonizing two week wait process:

It's hard to find baby books that don't have the obligatory "how I met your dad" and two-sided family tree chart to fill in. But there are options. Here are some of them.