It can seem off-putting when your fertility doctor asks you to do a psychological evaluation before embarking on Choice Motherhood. But it’s common at many clinics.
Really, I think every parent — married or single — should have one of these conversations with a trained therapist. But it’s only when building a family using third-party gametes (sperm and/or egg) that doctors have a chance to intervene. And yes, it’s not fair if they ask this only of single parents. But there are benefits to talking out loud with someone else what you’ve been pondering for a long time. Similar to that of an adoptive parent talking issues over with a home study evaluator.
It might seem like judgment. But many counselors I know describe it more as being devil’s advocate to help you through issues you might not have thought about yet. And if you have thought about them, then you’ll do great in the evaluation.
I’ve done several interviews with counselors who do these evaluations.
- This radio show features my interview with Philadelphia-based therapist Andrea Braverman about the process she goes through with Choice Moms in an evaluation, as well as the jealousy and judgment we can feel during the process of trying to become a mother.
- This discussion with New York City-based therapist Joann Paley Galst was about the intense emotions that single women can feel when taking this journey, stemming from our small group discussion with Thinkers at a Choice Mom networking event.
- This conversation with New York City-based therapist Patricia Mendell is about the emotions of undergoing fertility treatment.
The PDF below includes two pages of questions that Patricia Mendell typically asks single women to think about as preparation for their evaluation.